Merry Christmas. I hope that some of the peace and joy of the season is in your life.
Drive your car carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself. You deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
The Winter Solstice
Already it has been good and cold this winter. We have even had snow. People were walking on a lake a few miles from our home. It is 38 degrees at my house right now. That seems warm compared to 11 degrees just days ago. Winter is upon us in many ways.
But wait. What season is this? Today, December 18, 2009, right now, what season is this? It feels like winter, it looks like winter, it must be winter. Hmmm… It’s still the fall.
The Winter Solstice comes this year on Monday, December 21. Here in Washington State, it will occur at 9:47 AM. Our earth rotates on an axis. The Winter Solstice is the time when because of the axial tilt of the earth we are the farthest away from the sun thereby receiving the least direct sunlight. It is also the day when we have the fewest hours of sunlight and the most hours of darkness. For me personally, the long hours of darkness have always bothered me more than extended periods of rain.
It is cold and wet, and yet it is still the fall. The days are short and the nights are long. The coldest and harshest weather is still ahead of us. Winter will “officially” begin here soon.
Even though we are beginning our nastiest season of weather the days will slowly begin getting longer again. I appreciate the irony or paradox of winter beginning as the days begin getting longer. Maybe those aren’t the right words; maybe it’s the symbolism I appreciate. As I have aged the cold weather bothers me more and more. I like winter less and less. It doesn’t feel like it today and it won’t feel like it on the many cold days ahead but the Winter Solstice signals the beginning of change. Even as we prepare for the worst weather of the year change will begin slowly this Monday. Longer, warmer days will come again.
In times of reflection, as always, I pray for the good health, overall well being, and safety of my family and friends. I work to trust that during the coming winter, change is already beginning. On Monday the days will begin getting longer again. The light will return.
It is Friday. The weekend is near. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to seeing you or hearing from you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally.
CYLP!
P
But wait. What season is this? Today, December 18, 2009, right now, what season is this? It feels like winter, it looks like winter, it must be winter. Hmmm… It’s still the fall.
The Winter Solstice comes this year on Monday, December 21. Here in Washington State, it will occur at 9:47 AM. Our earth rotates on an axis. The Winter Solstice is the time when because of the axial tilt of the earth we are the farthest away from the sun thereby receiving the least direct sunlight. It is also the day when we have the fewest hours of sunlight and the most hours of darkness. For me personally, the long hours of darkness have always bothered me more than extended periods of rain.
It is cold and wet, and yet it is still the fall. The days are short and the nights are long. The coldest and harshest weather is still ahead of us. Winter will “officially” begin here soon.
Even though we are beginning our nastiest season of weather the days will slowly begin getting longer again. I appreciate the irony or paradox of winter beginning as the days begin getting longer. Maybe those aren’t the right words; maybe it’s the symbolism I appreciate. As I have aged the cold weather bothers me more and more. I like winter less and less. It doesn’t feel like it today and it won’t feel like it on the many cold days ahead but the Winter Solstice signals the beginning of change. Even as we prepare for the worst weather of the year change will begin slowly this Monday. Longer, warmer days will come again.
In times of reflection, as always, I pray for the good health, overall well being, and safety of my family and friends. I work to trust that during the coming winter, change is already beginning. On Monday the days will begin getting longer again. The light will return.
It is Friday. The weekend is near. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to seeing you or hearing from you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally.
CYLP!
P
Friday, December 11, 2009
The Holidays--The Good and The Bad
I’m listening to Andy Williams sing Christmas music right now. I put him on because he sings about Christmas, “It’s the most wonderful time of year…” Okay Andy, sometimes it is. And sometimes it isn’t.
The holiday season can be a time for enjoying family. It can be a time of dreading being pulled in two directions by in-laws and even three or four directions by step families.
Expectations of what the holidays are supposed to be like can be met with the disappointment of what they end up being like.
It can be exciting to do so many things and overwhelming to do so many things.
It’s a time to enjoy thoughtfully prepared meals together. We can eat too many helpings and way too many cookies.
It’s a time to experience the pleasure of giving and receiving gifts. That gift giving can cause worry and stress.
Shopping can be fun and the crowds can get overwhelming.
It might even snow a little on Christmas. A white Christmas can be fun. We could be buried in snow like last year. It makes driving difficult and dangerous. The garbage won’t get picked up for a month. There could be massive power outages.
It can be a time of year to be thankful for our jobs. Hating the job you have or not even being employed feels even worse during the holidays.
Work hours can increase this time of year only to be followed by reduced hours after the New Year.
It is a time of year when we experience both satisfaction and guilt.
It is also a time when we can feel gratitude for our blessings and resentment over what we don’t have.
It is a time of joy and a time when sadness can be highlighted.
We can savor our friendships this time of year and feel extra bitter about relationships that have gone bad.
The holidays may help me to realize how happy I am with my life or to see how disappointed I am with my life.
During one holiday season or another I have known virtually all of these experiences; the good and the bad, they are all real.
It is important to remind myself
To take a breath
To relax
To enjoy what is good about the season
To recognize I can only do so many things and be so many places
To work at being patient
To offer forgiveness beyond what I think should have to.
To feel my blessings
To spend more energy on what I can do for others than I do worrying about who does what for me.
To consciously choose to be grateful several times a day. And then do it again.
It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole, physically and emotionally.
P
The holiday season can be a time for enjoying family. It can be a time of dreading being pulled in two directions by in-laws and even three or four directions by step families.
Expectations of what the holidays are supposed to be like can be met with the disappointment of what they end up being like.
It can be exciting to do so many things and overwhelming to do so many things.
It’s a time to enjoy thoughtfully prepared meals together. We can eat too many helpings and way too many cookies.
It’s a time to experience the pleasure of giving and receiving gifts. That gift giving can cause worry and stress.
Shopping can be fun and the crowds can get overwhelming.
It might even snow a little on Christmas. A white Christmas can be fun. We could be buried in snow like last year. It makes driving difficult and dangerous. The garbage won’t get picked up for a month. There could be massive power outages.
It can be a time of year to be thankful for our jobs. Hating the job you have or not even being employed feels even worse during the holidays.
Work hours can increase this time of year only to be followed by reduced hours after the New Year.
It is a time of year when we experience both satisfaction and guilt.
It is also a time when we can feel gratitude for our blessings and resentment over what we don’t have.
It is a time of joy and a time when sadness can be highlighted.
We can savor our friendships this time of year and feel extra bitter about relationships that have gone bad.
The holidays may help me to realize how happy I am with my life or to see how disappointed I am with my life.
During one holiday season or another I have known virtually all of these experiences; the good and the bad, they are all real.
It is important to remind myself
To take a breath
To relax
To enjoy what is good about the season
To recognize I can only do so many things and be so many places
To work at being patient
To offer forgiveness beyond what I think should have to.
To feel my blessings
To spend more energy on what I can do for others than I do worrying about who does what for me.
To consciously choose to be grateful several times a day. And then do it again.
It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole, physically and emotionally.
P
Friday, December 4, 2009
Pat, Carl, and Rhonda
I write three blogs--this one, a fishing blog, and a real estate blog. My post today is about something that happened while I was on the way back to the office from a meeting with a client. Please click the link to my real estate blog to see the story about Pat, Carl, and Rhonda. It is very much in the spirit of what I post in this blog.
http://jimpankiewicz.blogspot.com/
It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
P
http://jimpankiewicz.blogspot.com/
It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
P
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Feeling My Blessings--80 Things I'm Thankful For
Today is Thanksgiving. This is a list of things for which I am thankful. I believe it is important to "count my blessings" but it is more important to "feel my blessings". These items are intentionally not prioritized. They are in random order and range from simple to serious. Some of these items are at the core of me. Some of them are things I am regularly aware of but are still relatively simple. A couple may make you chuckle. Some are things I just thought of while writing. There are some pictures included also. I didn't have a particular number in mind when I started out. I decided to write until I was ready to be finished.
I have posted some pictures but need to get ready to leave for Thanksgiving dinner. I will post more pictures in the next few days.
I am extremely grateful for all the many blessings in my life. Here are just a few of the many things for which I am very, very, thankful.
1. Clean drinking water--I just turn on the tap and there it is. Its safe and plentiful.
2. The rule of law--We are all protected by laws, a system of law enforcement, and a judicial system that is amazing.
3. Central heating--I program the thermostat and the heat comes on. In 1970 my girlfriend, Candy, and I spent a night on the ground lost in the woods. Had it rained we likely would have died of hypothermia. I sure appreciate that the heat works in our home. I would add that I am also thankful for Candy.
4. A comfortable bed--Its warm, safe, and suitalby firm for our middle age backs.
5. The sound of rain--I like hearing this when I'm falling asleep in my comfortable bed.
6. The World’s Greatest Wife--Katy is the best. Simply the best. Next month we will have been married 32 years. We are friends, lovers, and soulmates. Marrying her was the smartest thing I ever did.
7. Inspiring people and their stories--I enjoy reading and hearing about what other people have done to overcome adversity. I like the stories of famous people and even more so I like the stories of "not so famous" people.
8. Parents who loved me--Frank and Teresa Pankiewicz loved all five of their kids. It is such a gift too easily taken for granted.
9. My Mom who persevered when my Dad died when we were all young--My parents were married in the 40's. They were happily married; they loved and respected each other. They communicated well and problem solved well. My Dad died very suddenly on February 22, 1967. My mother was devastated. She went back to school, got a job and kept the family together. She is my Hero. She will always be my Hero.
10. Our servicemen and women--Are we as a country always right? We're not. Do we use our force and our might correctly all the time? Probably not. And yet, in so many ways we are the protectors of freedom in the world. Regardless of whether I, or anyone for that matter, agrees with where or when our servicemen and women are fighting at any point in time or history, they are nevertheless risking life and limb. I appreciate that. These are some pictures of the Veteran's Memorial we built on the campus in cooperation with Marysville Rotary. The picture in the snow storm is still my favorite.
11. Being an American--Winston Churchill said, "Democracy is the worst form of government there is. Except for all the others that have been tried." We have our problems here but we are still incredible in so many ways. I'm grateful and proud to be an American.
12. That I enjoy writing and even have some of my articles published--I am the Fly Fishing Editor for North American Carp Angler magazine and have a column each issue. It pleases me to write the column and it pleases me that people enjoy reading it.
13. Fishing--Fishing is in my blood. My earliest memory that I can place in time is of myself fishing with my Dad. It still gives me great enjoyment. I enjoy planning, preparing, traveling, stalking, casting, catching, photograhing and releasing. I still love to fish.
14. Fishing gear--I dig the gear. Its like a bunch of toys for a middle age kid.
15. My Alumni--I had the privilege of being a teacher for 36 years. I loved thousands of kids.
16. And them keeping in touch--Over and over it puts a smile on my face to continue to hear from my Alumni. Email, Facebook messages, letters, phone calls, text messages, meals together, its all such a source of joy to me.
17. Good teachers I had as a student--I am thankful for the good teachers I had through the years. In particular I appreciate the ones who cared and went the extra mile.
18. Good teachers I worked with at the high school--I knew and worked with many high quality, caring teachers and I hold them in very high regard.
19. Good administrators I knew--I appreciated the leadership of most of the principals at the high school.
20. Facebook--What a pleasant surprise this has been. I have connected with Alumni who live literally all over the earth as well as people from other parts of my past.
21. My new career--I have been a real estate agent since 1971. Now that I have left the classroom I am working real estate full time and I have embraced my new life. I have really enjoyed helping people get their homes sold and helping them find new homes. I like the many new aspects of the work and the schedule. I also like the new challenges. Building my webpage, HomeProResults.com, and starting a real estate blog has also been enjoyable. Call me when you are ready to buy or sell a home; I'll take care of you.
22. My hopes and dreams--I am thankful that I have have lots of hopes and dreams. I'm thankful that a lot of my dreams have come true and I believe that I will continue to be thankful as more come true.
23. My creative energy--I am thankful that I still have lots of energy to risk, to try new things, and to look at things differently.
24. Good health--Someone said, "Your health is your wealth." I don't know who said it but I am so thankful for my own good health, Katy's good health, and the good health of my kids.
25. Modern medicine--In part we all have that good health because of some aspect of modern medicine. My father--in--law was a family practice doctor for 42 years. He had been a doctor in the Army in World War II treating burn victims. He died in 1988. I remember him telling me, and getting choked up when he did, what it was like to be able to perscribe Penicillin for the first time. He talked about how mothers would bring their kids in with ear aches. He said that it was something they could die from. Perscribing Penicillin would beat the infection and the kids would live. He said very emotionally, "You can't imagine what a miracle that was."
26. Good books--I just finished "Outliers" and am currently reading a murder mystery set in the times of the Roman Empire. Before that I finished the lengthy, expansive, epic novels "Winds of War" and "War and Rememberance". I am thankful that I can read and that books are easily accessible.
27. Friends--I have been incredibly blessed through the years with many good friends. All of us experience through the years people coming in and out of our lives. I am thankful for those friends as well as the ones who have been friends for decades.
28. Warm sunny days--I am thankful for this simple pleasure. Shorts, t-shirts, Tevas--ahhhhh...
29. Barbecued dinners--I don't want to eat barbecued food every night but when the weather is nice I sure enjoy it.
30. My memory--Well, its good, and I am thankful for that. Partly its the way I was built and partly its something I work at.
31. Recorded music--I would much rather listen to music than have the TV on. I enjoy so many different kinds of music.
32. “Unbiased News” media--Okay, I won't go so far as to say that the news media in our country is all unibased. It just isn't. What we do have is the opportunity to see and hear "opposingly biased" news media and I am thankful for that.
33. My memories--I remember that I wrote "my memory" just a bit ago but this isn't the same thing. My good memory remembers the good and the bad. I am grateful for all of it.
34. Cell phones--I am thankful for this modern convenience.
35. Our kids--I can't imagine my life without our kids, Joe, Mike, and Annie. Through it all I love each of you more than life itself.
36. Do I count my new daughter-in-law as one of my kids? Yup, I do. I love you too Kelly.
37. Being persistent--I am persistent about things and I'm thankful for that.
38. Being persistent--I am persistent about things and I'm thankful for that.
39. Being persistent--Well, maybe I'm stubborn, I don't know, but I'm thankful that I'm persistent even though sometimes I maybe should have just let something go.
40. Oh, and a good sense of humor too--I am thankful that I can laugh at myself, my foibles and mistakes, and at the world. It helps me to get through things, enjoy the day, and find the positive in situations.
41. Sex--with my wife of course.
42. Goretex raingear--Modern gear is so dang nice. Goretex jackets and waders, fleece, and frameless packs to name a few are a pleasure to use.
43. The “Y”--I like working out at the "Y" and I am thankful there is one just ten minutes from our home. I also like that there are people there of so many different ages who have different body sizes and fitness levels all doing something to work towards being healthy.
44. Roses--I babied my rose gardens for 20+ years. They are a lot of work but when a bud was blooming it was like listening to music.
45. My extended family on my Mom’s side--My grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and my cousins have shared something quite unusual. We have remained close for the 65 years that the first cousin was born. I am immensely thankful for this.
46. That I am usually able to fall asleep quickly--I don't always sleep all the way through the night but I almost always fall asleep within minutes of hitting the pillow. I am thankful.
47. Naps--I can take a twenty minute nap almost anywhere. Its an art I guess but a good nap sure feels good.
48. That I woke up this morning and everything works and nothing hurts--I try to be thankful for that every day.
49. Email--It sure makes communicating easy.
50. That I enjoy the little things--I am thankful that I can take genuine pleasure in small things.
51. Fall colors--This year was particularly striking.
52. Christmas music--Yes! I like all kinds of music but sure enjoy my Christmas music for the next month. I tried listening to Christmas music in July one year but it sounded completely out of place.
53. The challenges in my life--I am grateful for the good times and the bad. Its much easier to say that when I'm not immersed in a period of dark days or just plain lost, but I still am grateful for all the challenges.
54. That I don’t just adapt to change sometimes I make it happen--I am grateful for the changes I have experienced and I thankful that I have actively worked to make change in my life and in the world around me.
55. My fat cat--His name is Rudy. He spends a fair amount of his day sleeping. I appreciate the art of napping but he sleeps more than he is awake. He does a few other things besides sleep. I guess he's doing what cats are supposed to do.
56. My new neighbors--Katy and I moved in August 2008. We sold the home we raised our kids in where we had lived for 25 years. We had a new home built and we love it. We are both thankful that we have good neighbors.
57. Bread--Through the years I made a lot of noise about liking chocolate. I do of course but would never consider chocolate comfort food. Bread is comfort food. Even with a diminished appetite of a middle age guy, I can still eat a lot of bread. I especially like all the artisan breads they have today.
58. Italian Food--Pasta, Ravioli, plus lots of other specialty dishes sure are good.
59. That I am willing to try things that don't look easy or haven't been done before--I like like this about myself and I don't like this about myself. When I'm planning or getting ready to try something challenging, I like it. When things come together and work well I really like this about myself. When something doesn't work the way I want it to or hoped it would, I DO NOT like this about myself! Still, I am thankful I am willing to risk and I'm thankful to all the people who have helped me with so many different kinds of risks through the decades.
60. My faith in God--Its strong. It centers me. It grounds me. Its important.
61. The Internet--How on earth did we find things out before the Internet?! How did we communicate? What an amazing invention.
62. The places that I have hiked and fished. Rivers, lakes, saltwater, the mountains, so many beautiful places--I love to fish and am thankful for all the times I have been able to go. In the pursuit of fish I have seen some beautiful places. Being in, on, and around water, always pleases me.
63. My truck and all the highways and roads that let me travel all over chasing fish--I am thankful that my truck and our country's extensive system of roads makes travel easy.
64. Perscription glasses--I would be unable to drive or do a heck of a lot of other things without perscription glasses. Man am I thankful for my glasses.
65. Perscription sunglasses--These are especially nice when I am fishing on a bright, hot, July day in eastern Washington.
66. The bamboo plant and the shamrock on my office desk--They help keep my attitude right.
67. Caller ID--Its nice.
68. Caller Block--We couldn't transport our old landline with us from Mukilteo to Bothell without paying an additional charge. We chose to get a new number instead. The people who had the number before us apparently owe somebody some money. We were getting three or four calls a week from varous collection agencies looking for these people. Even when I would call them back and suggest that they look at their caller ID or look up our name and number online to see that we were new people, they would continue to call and ask for Melissa. Finally we got a phone that blocks their numbers selectively. Its a simple thing but we like it.
69. Computers--Just like the Internet, how on earth did we function without them. I am thankful for computers and all that can do.
70. That I'm a pretty dang fast typist--My back and my rear end get sore sitting at the computer so I'm thankful that I can type quickly.
71. Wildflowers--Someone said, "When the earth smiles, it smiles in flowers". I love it when the earth smiles.
72. Referrals--I have so much appreciated the people who have referred new real estate customers and clients to me. Thank you.
73. Extension cords and surge protectors--They help make our Christmas village light up and they protect various electronic devices in our home.
74. Soft toilet paper--The older I get the more I appreciate it.
75. Prayer--I pray every day. Several times a day actually. I do it formally and informally. At least once a day, we pray outloud together. I believe strongly in the value and importance of prayer. I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to pray.
76. Scenery--Fishing has brought me to some beautiful places and so has hiking. I am thankful for the vastly different places just here in Washington. We have the ocean, mountain ranges, rivers, lakes, and desert. I am very thankful to have grown up in Washington and to have lived here all my life.
77. Blogging--I am thankful for the opportunity to write and for the people who read what I write. My fishing blog is themrpblog.blogspot and my new real estate blog is at JimPankiewicz.blogspot.
78. Chocolate--Yum, yum, yum. What else is there to say?...
79. Forgiveness--I am thankful for the times I have offered forgiveness and for the times I have been forgiven.
80. Diversity--There is so much diversity in my neighborhood and in our country. We have our problems in this country and I don't want us to ignore them. We are still truly the beacon of hope on this planet. I appreciate the diversity and again, am awful darn thankful to live here.
It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Feel your blessings.
I have posted some pictures but need to get ready to leave for Thanksgiving dinner. I will post more pictures in the next few days.
I am extremely grateful for all the many blessings in my life. Here are just a few of the many things for which I am very, very, thankful.
1. Clean drinking water--I just turn on the tap and there it is. Its safe and plentiful.
2. The rule of law--We are all protected by laws, a system of law enforcement, and a judicial system that is amazing.
3. Central heating--I program the thermostat and the heat comes on. In 1970 my girlfriend, Candy, and I spent a night on the ground lost in the woods. Had it rained we likely would have died of hypothermia. I sure appreciate that the heat works in our home. I would add that I am also thankful for Candy.
4. A comfortable bed--Its warm, safe, and suitalby firm for our middle age backs.
5. The sound of rain--I like hearing this when I'm falling asleep in my comfortable bed.
6. The World’s Greatest Wife--Katy is the best. Simply the best. Next month we will have been married 32 years. We are friends, lovers, and soulmates. Marrying her was the smartest thing I ever did.
7. Inspiring people and their stories--I enjoy reading and hearing about what other people have done to overcome adversity. I like the stories of famous people and even more so I like the stories of "not so famous" people.
8. Parents who loved me--Frank and Teresa Pankiewicz loved all five of their kids. It is such a gift too easily taken for granted.
9. My Mom who persevered when my Dad died when we were all young--My parents were married in the 40's. They were happily married; they loved and respected each other. They communicated well and problem solved well. My Dad died very suddenly on February 22, 1967. My mother was devastated. She went back to school, got a job and kept the family together. She is my Hero. She will always be my Hero.
10. Our servicemen and women--Are we as a country always right? We're not. Do we use our force and our might correctly all the time? Probably not. And yet, in so many ways we are the protectors of freedom in the world. Regardless of whether I, or anyone for that matter, agrees with where or when our servicemen and women are fighting at any point in time or history, they are nevertheless risking life and limb. I appreciate that. These are some pictures of the Veteran's Memorial we built on the campus in cooperation with Marysville Rotary. The picture in the snow storm is still my favorite.
11. Being an American--Winston Churchill said, "Democracy is the worst form of government there is. Except for all the others that have been tried." We have our problems here but we are still incredible in so many ways. I'm grateful and proud to be an American.
12. That I enjoy writing and even have some of my articles published--I am the Fly Fishing Editor for North American Carp Angler magazine and have a column each issue. It pleases me to write the column and it pleases me that people enjoy reading it.
13. Fishing--Fishing is in my blood. My earliest memory that I can place in time is of myself fishing with my Dad. It still gives me great enjoyment. I enjoy planning, preparing, traveling, stalking, casting, catching, photograhing and releasing. I still love to fish.
14. Fishing gear--I dig the gear. Its like a bunch of toys for a middle age kid.
15. My Alumni--I had the privilege of being a teacher for 36 years. I loved thousands of kids.
16. And them keeping in touch--Over and over it puts a smile on my face to continue to hear from my Alumni. Email, Facebook messages, letters, phone calls, text messages, meals together, its all such a source of joy to me.
17. Good teachers I had as a student--I am thankful for the good teachers I had through the years. In particular I appreciate the ones who cared and went the extra mile.
18. Good teachers I worked with at the high school--I knew and worked with many high quality, caring teachers and I hold them in very high regard.
19. Good administrators I knew--I appreciated the leadership of most of the principals at the high school.
20. Facebook--What a pleasant surprise this has been. I have connected with Alumni who live literally all over the earth as well as people from other parts of my past.
21. My new career--I have been a real estate agent since 1971. Now that I have left the classroom I am working real estate full time and I have embraced my new life. I have really enjoyed helping people get their homes sold and helping them find new homes. I like the many new aspects of the work and the schedule. I also like the new challenges. Building my webpage, HomeProResults.com, and starting a real estate blog has also been enjoyable. Call me when you are ready to buy or sell a home; I'll take care of you.
22. My hopes and dreams--I am thankful that I have have lots of hopes and dreams. I'm thankful that a lot of my dreams have come true and I believe that I will continue to be thankful as more come true.
23. My creative energy--I am thankful that I still have lots of energy to risk, to try new things, and to look at things differently.
24. Good health--Someone said, "Your health is your wealth." I don't know who said it but I am so thankful for my own good health, Katy's good health, and the good health of my kids.
25. Modern medicine--In part we all have that good health because of some aspect of modern medicine. My father--in--law was a family practice doctor for 42 years. He had been a doctor in the Army in World War II treating burn victims. He died in 1988. I remember him telling me, and getting choked up when he did, what it was like to be able to perscribe Penicillin for the first time. He talked about how mothers would bring their kids in with ear aches. He said that it was something they could die from. Perscribing Penicillin would beat the infection and the kids would live. He said very emotionally, "You can't imagine what a miracle that was."
26. Good books--I just finished "Outliers" and am currently reading a murder mystery set in the times of the Roman Empire. Before that I finished the lengthy, expansive, epic novels "Winds of War" and "War and Rememberance". I am thankful that I can read and that books are easily accessible.
27. Friends--I have been incredibly blessed through the years with many good friends. All of us experience through the years people coming in and out of our lives. I am thankful for those friends as well as the ones who have been friends for decades.
28. Warm sunny days--I am thankful for this simple pleasure. Shorts, t-shirts, Tevas--ahhhhh...
29. Barbecued dinners--I don't want to eat barbecued food every night but when the weather is nice I sure enjoy it.
30. My memory--Well, its good, and I am thankful for that. Partly its the way I was built and partly its something I work at.
31. Recorded music--I would much rather listen to music than have the TV on. I enjoy so many different kinds of music.
32. “Unbiased News” media--Okay, I won't go so far as to say that the news media in our country is all unibased. It just isn't. What we do have is the opportunity to see and hear "opposingly biased" news media and I am thankful for that.
33. My memories--I remember that I wrote "my memory" just a bit ago but this isn't the same thing. My good memory remembers the good and the bad. I am grateful for all of it.
34. Cell phones--I am thankful for this modern convenience.
35. Our kids--I can't imagine my life without our kids, Joe, Mike, and Annie. Through it all I love each of you more than life itself.
36. Do I count my new daughter-in-law as one of my kids? Yup, I do. I love you too Kelly.
37. Being persistent--I am persistent about things and I'm thankful for that.
38. Being persistent--I am persistent about things and I'm thankful for that.
39. Being persistent--Well, maybe I'm stubborn, I don't know, but I'm thankful that I'm persistent even though sometimes I maybe should have just let something go.
40. Oh, and a good sense of humor too--I am thankful that I can laugh at myself, my foibles and mistakes, and at the world. It helps me to get through things, enjoy the day, and find the positive in situations.
41. Sex--with my wife of course.
42. Goretex raingear--Modern gear is so dang nice. Goretex jackets and waders, fleece, and frameless packs to name a few are a pleasure to use.
43. The “Y”--I like working out at the "Y" and I am thankful there is one just ten minutes from our home. I also like that there are people there of so many different ages who have different body sizes and fitness levels all doing something to work towards being healthy.
44. Roses--I babied my rose gardens for 20+ years. They are a lot of work but when a bud was blooming it was like listening to music.
45. My extended family on my Mom’s side--My grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and my cousins have shared something quite unusual. We have remained close for the 65 years that the first cousin was born. I am immensely thankful for this.
46. That I am usually able to fall asleep quickly--I don't always sleep all the way through the night but I almost always fall asleep within minutes of hitting the pillow. I am thankful.
47. Naps--I can take a twenty minute nap almost anywhere. Its an art I guess but a good nap sure feels good.
48. That I woke up this morning and everything works and nothing hurts--I try to be thankful for that every day.
49. Email--It sure makes communicating easy.
50. That I enjoy the little things--I am thankful that I can take genuine pleasure in small things.
51. Fall colors--This year was particularly striking.
52. Christmas music--Yes! I like all kinds of music but sure enjoy my Christmas music for the next month. I tried listening to Christmas music in July one year but it sounded completely out of place.
53. The challenges in my life--I am grateful for the good times and the bad. Its much easier to say that when I'm not immersed in a period of dark days or just plain lost, but I still am grateful for all the challenges.
54. That I don’t just adapt to change sometimes I make it happen--I am grateful for the changes I have experienced and I thankful that I have actively worked to make change in my life and in the world around me.
55. My fat cat--His name is Rudy. He spends a fair amount of his day sleeping. I appreciate the art of napping but he sleeps more than he is awake. He does a few other things besides sleep. I guess he's doing what cats are supposed to do.
56. My new neighbors--Katy and I moved in August 2008. We sold the home we raised our kids in where we had lived for 25 years. We had a new home built and we love it. We are both thankful that we have good neighbors.
57. Bread--Through the years I made a lot of noise about liking chocolate. I do of course but would never consider chocolate comfort food. Bread is comfort food. Even with a diminished appetite of a middle age guy, I can still eat a lot of bread. I especially like all the artisan breads they have today.
58. Italian Food--Pasta, Ravioli, plus lots of other specialty dishes sure are good.
59. That I am willing to try things that don't look easy or haven't been done before--I like like this about myself and I don't like this about myself. When I'm planning or getting ready to try something challenging, I like it. When things come together and work well I really like this about myself. When something doesn't work the way I want it to or hoped it would, I DO NOT like this about myself! Still, I am thankful I am willing to risk and I'm thankful to all the people who have helped me with so many different kinds of risks through the decades.
60. My faith in God--Its strong. It centers me. It grounds me. Its important.
61. The Internet--How on earth did we find things out before the Internet?! How did we communicate? What an amazing invention.
62. The places that I have hiked and fished. Rivers, lakes, saltwater, the mountains, so many beautiful places--I love to fish and am thankful for all the times I have been able to go. In the pursuit of fish I have seen some beautiful places. Being in, on, and around water, always pleases me.
63. My truck and all the highways and roads that let me travel all over chasing fish--I am thankful that my truck and our country's extensive system of roads makes travel easy.
64. Perscription glasses--I would be unable to drive or do a heck of a lot of other things without perscription glasses. Man am I thankful for my glasses.
65. Perscription sunglasses--These are especially nice when I am fishing on a bright, hot, July day in eastern Washington.
66. The bamboo plant and the shamrock on my office desk--They help keep my attitude right.
67. Caller ID--Its nice.
68. Caller Block--We couldn't transport our old landline with us from Mukilteo to Bothell without paying an additional charge. We chose to get a new number instead. The people who had the number before us apparently owe somebody some money. We were getting three or four calls a week from varous collection agencies looking for these people. Even when I would call them back and suggest that they look at their caller ID or look up our name and number online to see that we were new people, they would continue to call and ask for Melissa. Finally we got a phone that blocks their numbers selectively. Its a simple thing but we like it.
69. Computers--Just like the Internet, how on earth did we function without them. I am thankful for computers and all that can do.
70. That I'm a pretty dang fast typist--My back and my rear end get sore sitting at the computer so I'm thankful that I can type quickly.
71. Wildflowers--Someone said, "When the earth smiles, it smiles in flowers". I love it when the earth smiles.
72. Referrals--I have so much appreciated the people who have referred new real estate customers and clients to me. Thank you.
73. Extension cords and surge protectors--They help make our Christmas village light up and they protect various electronic devices in our home.
74. Soft toilet paper--The older I get the more I appreciate it.
75. Prayer--I pray every day. Several times a day actually. I do it formally and informally. At least once a day, we pray outloud together. I believe strongly in the value and importance of prayer. I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to pray.
76. Scenery--Fishing has brought me to some beautiful places and so has hiking. I am thankful for the vastly different places just here in Washington. We have the ocean, mountain ranges, rivers, lakes, and desert. I am very thankful to have grown up in Washington and to have lived here all my life.
77. Blogging--I am thankful for the opportunity to write and for the people who read what I write. My fishing blog is themrpblog.blogspot and my new real estate blog is at JimPankiewicz.blogspot.
78. Chocolate--Yum, yum, yum. What else is there to say?...
79. Forgiveness--I am thankful for the times I have offered forgiveness and for the times I have been forgiven.
80. Diversity--There is so much diversity in my neighborhood and in our country. We have our problems in this country and I don't want us to ignore them. We are still truly the beacon of hope on this planet. I appreciate the diversity and again, am awful darn thankful to live here.
It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Feel your blessings.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Remembering the Retreat
Today, Friday, November 20, would have been the MPHS DECA Leadership Retreat. For each of the past 21 years my students and I would have spent several weeks getting ready. Kids would have been choosing and refining the agenda, getting all the props and supplies ready for the various activities, packing the tubs for each puzzle group, creating checklists and more checklists, getting 120 carwash jars ready, fretting about what to bring for their special thing, struggling with whether or not they really wanted to go, and wondering what the heck this is all about. I would tell new students how we came to be doing this and talk about how it evolved. I would tell them simply that when we finished the first one, in answer to a query from his classmates about what we did at the Retreat, Ben James said in class the next day, “We laughed and we cried,” and then he went back to sculpting a clay hand coming out of his table. Through 21 years, in so many ways that continued to be true; we laughed and we cried.
The Retreat had both large group and small group activities. The small groups were called Puzzle Groups. Briefly, the agenda included ice breakers, team building activities, along with preparing and delivering a skit. Meals and (modest) sleeping arrangements were provided. After dinner was “A Few Words” and then after that was the Boundary Breaking. The Boundary Breaking was scheduled for 3 ½ hours. By the time we got to that point it worked; it worked remarkably well, quite remarkably actually. For one of the Saturday activities, the Car Wash, kids wrote positive notes to the people in their Puzzle Groups and put them in an envelope or a jar. Two days ago I got a Facebook message from Brad Gill, one of my alumni from the 90’s. He wrote, “Family life is wonderful. I did go through a long drawn out nasty divorce. I made it through ok and have my daughters with me. Quite honestly there were many days/nights I thought of your words of encouragement and numerous times I pulled out my car washes both as student and alumni. If anything it always brought a smile to my face.” It is astounding to me how many kids told me through the years that they still had their Car Wash notes. I guess it shouldn’t be. When I left the high school I took my yearbooks, my pictures, my plaques and awards, and my Car Wash jars. I too still have all of my Car Wash jars.
For the weeks before the Retreat I would have been writing, editing, and practicing my talk for Friday evening. It would have been at least 30 minutes long, probably more likely 45 minutes; a few of them were an hour. I would have it virtually memorized. I would have been extremely nervous. Sleep would have evaded me for two or three weeks before and the week after. Hours and hours would have gone into both student preparation and my preparation.
Our first Retreat was in 1988; it evolved and grew quickly. The Retreat became in short order one of my favorite activities and experiences of the year. It was powerful. It made a difference. At times, it seemed magic. I have so many incredible memories of this “weekend in the woods.” Over time there was so much buy in. It was, in some ways, a simple activity; it was in many ways, quite complex and high risk. It moves me to think about it and remember.
After 36 years in the classroom I left Marysville-Pilchuck with a deep, profound, and enduring sense of gratitude for the privilege of having been a teacher.
I like my new career as a real estate agent; I was ready for change and I have embraced that change. I like the new schedule and the new challenges. I like working on the weekends and fishing during the week. I like the money. I'm writing three blogs and enjoying that. Besides "A Few Words" I'm writing a fishing blog: http://themrpblog.blogspot.com/ I also have started a real estate blog: http://jimpankiewicz.blogspot.com/
I like my new life a lot.
I have an inspection this morning for a home I sold last weekend. I won’t be traveling to Camp Killoqua. Not today.
I don’t want to live in the past. I remember the past. I live in the present. I work to build the future. Still, this day, the day that would have been the Retreat, I am remembering. I am remembering something that was special, something that was amazing, something that was magic.
In 2008, at our last Retreat, there were about 75 students, 16 Alumni, and 16 parents in attendance. Thank you to the students, alumni, and parents who made this such an incredible weekend through the years. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so very much!
I decided to include the text of the Few Words from our last Retreat.
Where it says, "The Ending" there was a pause while I lit my candle, the Alumni lit there candles, and then passed the flame to each of the students, parents, and guests.
Retreat 2008—The Last One--"I Remember"
I remember. I remember. I remember. People say that I remember better than most people. I am a "rememberer". I didn’t realize that remembering disarmed people until I was well into my twenties. Little things like remembering what group sang a certain song makes people turn their heads. Remembering someone’s name makes them smile. Remembering a conversation word for word disarms people; to a degree, makes them nervous, and, in fact, I don’t like that. Remembering some alumni from 20 years ago and where he/she sat makes you laugh at me, heck it makes me laugh at myself.
I am a rememberer, yes I am. So what does this rememberer, remember? Well, I remember day 1, year 1. Suzanne Payne was the first kid to walk in my room; I told all of you that before. I remember Fred Zielie, Kathy Donnelly, Patty Arundell, Liz Warner, John Wade, Kevin McGowan, and many others from my first year of teaching. I remember being so darn hungry before it was time for lunch. I put food in my desk to get through the morning.
I remember organizing a bike-a-thon my second year for the local food bank. I remember Dana Campbell falling off her bike in the bushes and all we could see was the bottom of her tennis shoes. Time passes. I remember lots of individual memories. During my second year at the high school there were two boys who sat in the back of the room. Dave Rhode, not exactly the most serious student in the class, sat in front of Mike Sherman. It was common for Dave to be turned around talking to Mike or looking at his paper. Okay, maybe sometimes he might have been actually copying but definitely not all the time. It was so common for Dave to be turned around that it was an image that everyone in the class had of the back of the room, Dave turned around talking to Mike and then me saying, “Dave, turn around.” We were taking a test one day and the whole room was quiet. Out of the blue, Mike calls out, “No, no, no Rhode, don’t copy my name.” I remember laughing very hard at that as did the whole class. I remember laughing at so many things through the years.
I don’t remember everything you know. Just in the last few years, well I think it started in the last few years, I don’t remember, kids started saying to me, “Mr. P., you’re old. Yeah, you’re old. You been here, how long?! Ohhh…, you’re older than dirt!” Well let me tell you that’s not true. I’m not older than dirt. Dirt got here the year before I did so that’s something I don’t remember seeing happen.
I remember being disappointed. I remember the first time I realized one of my students was stealing from the store. I saw him put the money in his pocket. I was hurt. I remember the first time something of mine was stolen from the room. It was a black and white pocket calculator that I paid $5.00 for. Who took that darn thing? I remember feeling betrayed. I remember a couple of particularly bad years in our store. It wasn’t just one or two or three people, it was a whole bunch. Again, I felt betrayed. Through the years, I have been lied to and lied about, let down and disappointed--ready to be done with it all. I remember…
I remember the first time MPHS won the most awards of any school at Area competition. Was that last year or the year before? No, it was 1982. And you know I remember a kid or two from the class of ’82. Brian Hubbard, Sally, the Red Rocker, Johansen, Teresa Sauter, Steve Johnson, Debbie Dahlberg, our Presidents, Julie Hansen and Kathleen McCrae. I remember. Man what a class that was. I remember. Wow. I remember thinking, man I can do this job and I’ll never have a bad year as long as I teach. Famous last words… I remember getting my rear end kicked in the classroom the next year. It was ugly. The juniors were, the juniors were, the juniors were tough. Phew… they were tough. It was ugly. I went to college to be a CPA, not to be a teacher. The 1982-83 year was so rough that I got my accounting books out and thought it’s time for me to go back to school, finish the accounting degree, sit for the test and never look back. What would my life have been like if I had finished teaching in 1983? I don’t know. Well I didn’t finish teaching in 1983; I stayed with it. And I am so very, very glad I did. So very, very glad.
I remember lots of changes in fashion, slang, and music. For fashion, I remember the girls wearing leg warmers in the 80’s. I thought, well that makes sense, it’s keeping them warm and comfortable; there’s a piece of clothing that will never go out of style. I was wrong. During that same generation I remember that not only did kids wear polo shirts they wore two at a time, in coordinated colors, with the collars turned up. That was the guys and the girls alike. It’s funny now because it seems “old school”. I remember the dancing changing over the years. Break dancing in the late 80’s was loads of fun to watch; I remember that too. And now you’re break dancing again. Things connect.
I remember kids winning trophies and state offices and I remember them not winning. I remember kids being incredibly happy with their success and I remember some kids sobbing because of their disappointments. In 1996 I remember Heidi Ballenger losing her state office election by 5 votes, five crummy votes out of hundreds. I remember running 5 kids for state offices in 1990 and every one of them didn’t win. I remember Cindy Faulkner running for state Secretary in 1988. She made the cut for the last five, she survived the first ballot to get down to three. She survived the next ballot to get it down to just two. On the last ballot there was a tie. Out of about 300 votes there was a tie. We had five minutes of caucusing where kids walked around and tried to talk other delegates into changing their vote. They voted again and Cindy didn’t win. She cried pretty hard. She told me that she would make it to Nationals during her senior year by competing in Apparel & Accessories. She was second at Area I think. At state six qualified for Nationals that year. Cindy came in 7th by one point out of a possible 300. She cried again. I remember that. I certainly remember the disappointments that kids have faced. Some of those disappointments were decades ago and some of them were very recent.
I remember the triumphs, if that’s a good word. I remember the state offices we have won—quite a few actually. I remember the many trophies, the plaques and the scholarships. I remember the smiles, the beaming faces, and the sense of accomplishment that kids have had over the years. I remember taking kids to our Retreat, to leadership conferences, to Area, State, and National Competition. I have done some adding and through the decades I have taken over 2,000 kids somewhere overnight. Those are good memories. I remember the first Retreat we did in 1988. I wanted to do something more than competition. Competition worked for some kids but not all. That first Retreat we had 21 kids, two chaperones, and me. We had one big puzzle group. It actually worked remarkably well. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to expand it the next year but I didn’t know how to manage 3 or 4 puzzle groups so I asked some alumni to help me. In fact only one of them had been at the Retreat in 1988 and the other two had graduated the year before but I hoped they would help. I was humbled and grateful when all three of them said yes. Through the years more and more alumni helped. Again, I am so humbled and so very grateful. I remember…
The program has evolved and changed a lot through the years. There are some constants and there are things that have come and gone. My three goals have stayed constant for decades—teach you to sell, teach you to believe in yourself, and teach you to be leaders. In some cases that evolution or change occurred because I made it happen, in some cases kids initiated something and the program ran with it. In some cases, I guess things just changed.
I remember in the fall of 1993 one of my girls told me she had an idea and wanted to talk to me about it. She came in at lunch and said there are too many people trying to talk to you. I want your undivided attention for an hour. I answered her and said you will need to come in at 6:00 to have my undivided attention. She said she would be in the next day. I knew she would come but I thought sure she would be at least a little late. I got there at 6:02 and she was waiting by the door. She greeted me with, “You’re late!” I remember saying, “You’re right and I have no excuse. I apologize and it won’t happen again.” That girl’s name was Trehia and she wanted to put on a party for the Life Skills kids. She told me she needed me to get passionate about it so the classes would get passionate about it and then it would happen. I honestly didn’t really answer one way or another except to ask her questions. I did say I thought we were pretty busy already but that I would listen. I remember her telling me about the kinds of things the Life Skills kids were asking for and how badly they were getting ridiculed in the cafeteria. There was a point when I knew I was over the line, when she told me about the kid who wanted a blanket for his bed. That wasn’t an extra blanket, that’s the first one. That still gets to me when I think about it. We got that boy that blanket. I remember that I worried that there wouldn’t be kids to replace Trehia and Jayna the first chairs of the party. I worried that kids in future years wouldn’t want to care about this project. Every year there were new kids who stepped up, who were willing to care, to take time, to get outside of themselves, every year, every year. I remember. I remember.
In the spring of 2004 two of my junior girls, they were sisters, started talking to me about opening an espresso stand. They meant something serious and real. In the fall they brought it up more and more. We were staying after school talking about it and beginning to plan for it in a serious way. Sometimes we were there until 5:00 or 5:30 just planning for that project. There were a great many concerns to be worked out. We built that espresso stand and opened in November 2004. One of the questions they couldn’t answer that I largely had to gamble on was, who would care about this when you are gone? Well, again, kids have stepped up every year. I look back, I remember, every year someone has stepped up.
Because I’ve been at the high school for so many years, things, events, and people connect in lots of ways for me through the years. Lot’s of ways…
(Here tonight in our audience is Trehia, the girl who started the Life Skills Christmas Party. Here tonight are Kelly and Katey who got the Coffee Corner going. Kelly and Katey were also chairs for the Life Skills Christmas party. Things connect...)
A few minutes ago I told you a story about Dave Rhode. Well, he’s an adult now. He worked at Bry’s for years. In 1986 he purchased a store in Arlington. It’s called Unique Upholstery. He expanded the store to do floor coverings. He has been very successful and from what I understand he has a second shop in eastern Washington. The previous owner was Jim Duke. Jim ran the shop for years. He was quite good at it. Jim and his wife had two kids. They were twins—a boy named Tim and a girl named Terri. I had both of them in class. Back in the late 70’s we elected our W-DECA State Officers in the fall of the year in which they would serve rather than the spring before, like is done now. Tim and Terri Duke were twins but they had a little different approach to school. You might say that Tim didn’t care for school as much as Terri did. They were both nice kids and I enjoyed both of them but one of them was a little more serious student. At the end of their junior year Terri decided she was going to be a DECA State officer. She took some materials home to study in the summer. I remember that. I thought, wow, this kid is motivated; she’s got a chance to win. Whether she does or not chasing the office will be fun and a good experience for her. One night during the summer, Terri was driving home. It was the 70’s, we weren’t as seatbelt conscious then as now. She made a turn, caught some of the gravel on the shoulder and started to swerve. She overcorrected and rolled the car. I remember the call from her dad telling me she died. I remember.
I remember the very fluid, kind of free flowing conversations at lunch with kids through the years. For virtually my entire career I have had fourth period prep so I could work with kids during lunch. During that time we organized and planned projects, we practiced competitive events and speeches, we made stuff happen. During that time kids just talked with each other and with me some of the time. Some of those conversations were hilarious; kids would get laughing and just not be able to stop. Some of those conversations were difficult and painful. Through the decades there isn’t much I haven’t heard. Kids frustrations with each other and their teachers, hearts hurting from boyfriends and girlfriends, the aches and pains of growing up… More difficult things like abuse of every kind, totally dysfunctional families, abortions, deaths of parents and siblings, rapes… difficult things. I remember, I remember.
I remember Kelly Melum, our president in 1979. She kept in touch for several years. I remember when she brought her first son in to show me. He crawled on the floor while we talked. Sixteen years later he would sit in on of the chairs in my classroom as a student. I remember. I have only one class this year where I don’t have at least one student who’s parents I had in class. Time passes. It’s gone so quickly.
I remember weddings of students. There’s really something special about going to those. I remember visiting students in the hospital and being pretty scared a couple times when kid’s lives were in danger. I remember. I remember. It’s easiest to remember kids who come back to visit and I remember being energized by those visits from alumni.
My enduring favorite memory is when in one way or another one of you shows that you have gained confidence. Sometimes it is very visible to all around and sometimes it’s subtle. I remember seeing kids grow in skills and confidence. Those moments are special.
In 1996 the chairpersons of our Life Skills Christmas party were Jennifer and Sabrina. That same school year, in January or February of 1997, Jennifer and Sabrina went with Kara, one of our seniors, to a Rotary meeting. They were there to talk about projects we were working on. When it was almost time for Jennifer and Sabrina to talk they asked Kara to do it for them. Kara encouraged them and told them they could do it. The next school year Kara was an alumna here at our Retreat and Jennifer and Sabrina were seniors. Jennifer and Sabrina introduced some activities and did a lot to help get things planned. When the alumni were debriefing after the kids had left the discussion went around the table. A very simple, but for me I think very memorable and profound moment, was when Kara recounted the experience at Rotary the year before. She said, “I remember thinking how easy it had become for me to get up and speak but that they needed to learn it too.” She added, “I watched them here when they got up to talk and I knew what I had felt inside was what they were feeling inside, what happened for me was happening for them, and I knew they weren’t scared little girls anymore. What we do here makes a difference!” The best part of what she said was “WE”, what we do here makes a difference. She didn’t talk to me or about me; in fact she didn’t even look at me. I happened to be sitting next to her and she looked at the alumni across the table. They nodded. I love that she said “we”, what “WE” do here makes a difference. Through the years there has been so much “WE”, so many people have helped in so many ways. Just at this Retreat alone we have had about 225 or 230 chaperones and about 250 or 255 alumni. So much “WE”, so much “WE”. I am so grateful, so very grateful. I remember.
So here we are now. I remember the past and most of it is good. But we’re here now. You and I. I walked through these memories so that I could pose three questions. What will I remember about 36 years of teaching? What will I remember about this year? What will I remember about each of you? It is a memorable year to be sure.
It is a memorable year for me to be sure; it’s my last year at the high school. Tonight, only 57 days into the year there are many things I can’t see yet. There is a lot of the year left to unfold. We have set several goals for ourselves. I would like us to finish with a great Life Skills party. We are planning to do a Martin Luther King program in January. It sure looks like we will be doing a “Think About It” program at the Marysville Middle School and possibly at one or both of the other middle schools. That is more than enough to keep us very busy.
My first question was, “What will I remember about 36 years of teaching?” There is too much to say so at this point I will answer by saying simply that it was a privilege to be a teacher. My second question was, “What will I remember about this year?” There is still so much left to happen so I’m not sure how to answer my second question. My answer is I don’t know what I’ll remember about this year.
I am imagining now. I’m imagining myself 5 years, 10 years from now thinking back about the 2008-09 school year. It’s the year 2019 and I am remembering. I’ve been selling real estate for ten years now. You are all adults. You’re all still young but now you’re in your late 20’s. You’re not high school kids anymore. You’ve done all kinds of things. You have education, you have jobs, and some of you are married and have families. High school seems like a long time ago to you. It’s 2019 and I’m thinking about all of you. I’m remembering this year. Now the third question. What will I remember about you? Ten years from now what will I remember about YOU? Certainly I remember that I retired from Marysville-Pilchuck in 2009. I graduated with the classes of 2009 and 2010. I will remember that but that doesn’t answer the question.
Ten years from now when I close my eyes and think of this class, I won’t think that this year was or wasn’t my last year. I will think of you. No matter what else happens this year, I will think of you.
It’s 2019 now and my eyes are closed. I’m almost 70 years old. What will I remember about you? I’ll remember your special faces and the sound of your voices. I’ll remember laughing with you. I’ll remember that not only were you flexible and patient with the things we tried to take on, but that you looked for new opportunities. I’ll remember 32 new juniors that came in the door alert and alive. As I move through middle age I struggle some with remembering, particularly with short term memory. Ten years from now, I suspect things won’t be getting better. Still, I will remember you. I may stumble on your name, because, up here, things may get a little fuzzy as the years pass. There will always be another place that I will remember you. I will remember you in the place where I keep the things that count the most. Here, here in my heart, here in this place, the place where I keep the things that count the most. When I look back on this year ten years from now I will remember that it made me happy to see you come in the door each day. I will remember that you weren’t just fun to work with you were exciting. I will remember how much you grew in skills and confidence and I will remember that it was a privilege to be your teacher. Remembering your faces and the sound of your voices will make me smile. In 2019, I will remember that I valued you; I will remember that you were important to me. I will remember you were special to me. I will still feel a deep, profound, and enduring sense of gratitude. Ten years from now, twenty years from now finally, finally, FINALLY what I will remember most of all is that I loved you.
The ending
Each of you has a candle. When it is lit it is a tiny fire. It gives off a small amount of light, and a small amount of warmth. Fire. Light. And Warmth. I acknowledge the darkness. Not just the darkness from the setting sun. In all of life there is darkness. I acknowledge that darkness and I acknowledge that I can not keep the darkness from coming. In the face of darkness I light my candle. I light my candle as a simple symbol. A symbol of darkness overcome. Darkness overcome by the light of education. Your education--now that is something worth having, something worth chasing--something worth sweating for. Know that an education is so much more than fetching answers for a worksheet--so much more. Your education is a life-long process. We learn from books, from experience, from each other and from our mistakes. We can learn skills that will last us a lifetime.
I acknowledge self-doubt and I acknowledge that I can not keep it from coming at all times. In the face of self-doubt I light my candle. I light my candle as a simple symbol. A symbol of self-doubt overcome. Self-doubt overcome by the warmth of self-esteem. Basic self-esteem that most fundamental of leadership skills. Affirm yourself everyday. You deserve it so much.
I acknowledge fear and I acknowledge that I can not keep it from happening. In the face of fear I light my candle. I light my candle as a simple symbol. A symbol of fear overcome. Fear overcome by the fire we feel when we believe in ourselves and in each other. There is magic in believing. When you believe you can close your eyes and see the future. The past is just that--past and there is not one thing about the past that anyone can change. We live in the present. The future--the future--that is yours to create--yours to create. Your life is your own--claim the power that is within each one of you.
Do you wonder sometimes what you will be like in the future? Do you wonder what you will do when you graduate from high school? Do you wonder what does life hold for me? Where will I live? What will I do? Will I have nice things? Will I be married? Will I have a family? Will I be happy? Will I be able to face the challenges of life?
There is a part of me that knows that I can’t answer those questions for you down to the last detail. I know I can’t tell you exactly what your life will be like 30 seconds from now let alone years from now. I can’t even tell you what my own life will be exactly down to the last specific detail 30 seconds from now or in all of the years to come. Yet, there is an even bigger part of me that feels I can see the future. Yes I can see the future. With my eyes closed I can see the future. Inside of me I can hear your great voices and I can see your special faces. I know that we do not need to fear tomorrow. I know the leaders of tomorrow. You are leaders today and you are the leaders of tomorrow. Leaders in your homes and families -- leaders in your school and in your community -- leaders in business. You are leaders today and you are the leaders of tomorrow. Believe it; I do. Oh yes, I do.
Blow the candles out please. Sometimes the memory of the light will be all that is with you when it starts to get dark. Sometimes when your candle goes out you’ll wonder if it was even true. Did I just imagine it all? Is there any light? Is there any warmth? Is there anything to believe in? Is there? When your candle is out don’t spend too much time waiting for someone to light it for you. Spend your time lighting it yourself and helping someone to get theirs lit.
When you have the smallest fear or when fear paralyzes and consumes you--When you experience the smallest anxiety or when you just can’t seem to find the way. When darkness seems to be all around you--when your heart feels so very old--how do you light your own candle? How do you find the way again? The difference between the people who are making it and those who aren’t, the difference between the people who are happy and those who aren’t isn’t that life has always been so easy for them it is that they overcome the obstacles. They have faith that overcomes doubt. They have hope which overcomes despair. I am convinced that the way we talk to ourselves about our experiences is more important than the experiences themselves. The way we talk to ourselves helps us to process the past, to live in the present, and to create the future.
Some days, when I come home from school I feel like I could teach for 50 years. In year 50 I would be 72 years old. I don’t know if I can hold up that long. I might be old and foolish and an embarrassment to myself. Maybe not; maybe I’ll be goin’ strong. Somedays I feel like I can do it. Sometimes it’s Thursday and I wonder if I can make it to Saturday. I don’t always enjoy this job. Over the years I seen the highs and I seen the lows. Oh yeah. Sometimes have been very bad. I feel like I am ready to give up. The worst days of all are the ones when you ask yourself—what’s the point. The worst days of all are the ones when you say caring isn’t worth it. I just don’t want to care anymore. I look at all of you now and I take my frustrations and I put them aside. I put them aside with energy. I look at all of you now and I take my disappointments and I put them aside. I put them aside with enthusiasm. And I tell you so long ago, on the first day of the first year, I believed it was a privilege to be a teacher. And this day, right now, day 57, year 36 , in my heart, I still believe it is a privilege to be a teacher. Yes a privilege to be a teacher. I believe finally for only one reason. You--you are the reason.
As much as I am able to give and as much as you are able to receive, all of you together and each one of you individually, I want you to know, to know in your hearts, know this night my feeling, my affection, and my love for you is real. All of you together and each one of you individually I want you to know, know in your hearts, know this night, my respect for you is deep. All of you together and each one of you individually I want you to know, know in your hearts, know this night, above all else my belief in you is strong. My belief in you is strong. I want your belief in yourself to be so strong that no one can take it away from you. No one... I want your belief in yourself to be so real to you that you can give some away. In the end leaders empower others through their words and actions. To finish now--calmly—You are leaders today and you are the leaders of tomorrow. Leaders in your homes and families. Leaders in your school and in your community. Leaders in business. You are leaders today and you are the leaders of tomorrow. Believe it; I do, oh yes I do.
It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
P
The Retreat had both large group and small group activities. The small groups were called Puzzle Groups. Briefly, the agenda included ice breakers, team building activities, along with preparing and delivering a skit. Meals and (modest) sleeping arrangements were provided. After dinner was “A Few Words” and then after that was the Boundary Breaking. The Boundary Breaking was scheduled for 3 ½ hours. By the time we got to that point it worked; it worked remarkably well, quite remarkably actually. For one of the Saturday activities, the Car Wash, kids wrote positive notes to the people in their Puzzle Groups and put them in an envelope or a jar. Two days ago I got a Facebook message from Brad Gill, one of my alumni from the 90’s. He wrote, “Family life is wonderful. I did go through a long drawn out nasty divorce. I made it through ok and have my daughters with me. Quite honestly there were many days/nights I thought of your words of encouragement and numerous times I pulled out my car washes both as student and alumni. If anything it always brought a smile to my face.” It is astounding to me how many kids told me through the years that they still had their Car Wash notes. I guess it shouldn’t be. When I left the high school I took my yearbooks, my pictures, my plaques and awards, and my Car Wash jars. I too still have all of my Car Wash jars.
For the weeks before the Retreat I would have been writing, editing, and practicing my talk for Friday evening. It would have been at least 30 minutes long, probably more likely 45 minutes; a few of them were an hour. I would have it virtually memorized. I would have been extremely nervous. Sleep would have evaded me for two or three weeks before and the week after. Hours and hours would have gone into both student preparation and my preparation.
Our first Retreat was in 1988; it evolved and grew quickly. The Retreat became in short order one of my favorite activities and experiences of the year. It was powerful. It made a difference. At times, it seemed magic. I have so many incredible memories of this “weekend in the woods.” Over time there was so much buy in. It was, in some ways, a simple activity; it was in many ways, quite complex and high risk. It moves me to think about it and remember.
After 36 years in the classroom I left Marysville-Pilchuck with a deep, profound, and enduring sense of gratitude for the privilege of having been a teacher.
I like my new career as a real estate agent; I was ready for change and I have embraced that change. I like the new schedule and the new challenges. I like working on the weekends and fishing during the week. I like the money. I'm writing three blogs and enjoying that. Besides "A Few Words" I'm writing a fishing blog: http://themrpblog.blogspot.com/ I also have started a real estate blog: http://jimpankiewicz.blogspot.com/
I like my new life a lot.
I have an inspection this morning for a home I sold last weekend. I won’t be traveling to Camp Killoqua. Not today.
I don’t want to live in the past. I remember the past. I live in the present. I work to build the future. Still, this day, the day that would have been the Retreat, I am remembering. I am remembering something that was special, something that was amazing, something that was magic.
In 2008, at our last Retreat, there were about 75 students, 16 Alumni, and 16 parents in attendance. Thank you to the students, alumni, and parents who made this such an incredible weekend through the years. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so very much!
I decided to include the text of the Few Words from our last Retreat.
Where it says, "The Ending" there was a pause while I lit my candle, the Alumni lit there candles, and then passed the flame to each of the students, parents, and guests.
Retreat 2008—The Last One--"I Remember"
I remember. I remember. I remember. People say that I remember better than most people. I am a "rememberer". I didn’t realize that remembering disarmed people until I was well into my twenties. Little things like remembering what group sang a certain song makes people turn their heads. Remembering someone’s name makes them smile. Remembering a conversation word for word disarms people; to a degree, makes them nervous, and, in fact, I don’t like that. Remembering some alumni from 20 years ago and where he/she sat makes you laugh at me, heck it makes me laugh at myself.
I am a rememberer, yes I am. So what does this rememberer, remember? Well, I remember day 1, year 1. Suzanne Payne was the first kid to walk in my room; I told all of you that before. I remember Fred Zielie, Kathy Donnelly, Patty Arundell, Liz Warner, John Wade, Kevin McGowan, and many others from my first year of teaching. I remember being so darn hungry before it was time for lunch. I put food in my desk to get through the morning.
I remember organizing a bike-a-thon my second year for the local food bank. I remember Dana Campbell falling off her bike in the bushes and all we could see was the bottom of her tennis shoes. Time passes. I remember lots of individual memories. During my second year at the high school there were two boys who sat in the back of the room. Dave Rhode, not exactly the most serious student in the class, sat in front of Mike Sherman. It was common for Dave to be turned around talking to Mike or looking at his paper. Okay, maybe sometimes he might have been actually copying but definitely not all the time. It was so common for Dave to be turned around that it was an image that everyone in the class had of the back of the room, Dave turned around talking to Mike and then me saying, “Dave, turn around.” We were taking a test one day and the whole room was quiet. Out of the blue, Mike calls out, “No, no, no Rhode, don’t copy my name.” I remember laughing very hard at that as did the whole class. I remember laughing at so many things through the years.
I don’t remember everything you know. Just in the last few years, well I think it started in the last few years, I don’t remember, kids started saying to me, “Mr. P., you’re old. Yeah, you’re old. You been here, how long?! Ohhh…, you’re older than dirt!” Well let me tell you that’s not true. I’m not older than dirt. Dirt got here the year before I did so that’s something I don’t remember seeing happen.
I remember being disappointed. I remember the first time I realized one of my students was stealing from the store. I saw him put the money in his pocket. I was hurt. I remember the first time something of mine was stolen from the room. It was a black and white pocket calculator that I paid $5.00 for. Who took that darn thing? I remember feeling betrayed. I remember a couple of particularly bad years in our store. It wasn’t just one or two or three people, it was a whole bunch. Again, I felt betrayed. Through the years, I have been lied to and lied about, let down and disappointed--ready to be done with it all. I remember…
I remember the first time MPHS won the most awards of any school at Area competition. Was that last year or the year before? No, it was 1982. And you know I remember a kid or two from the class of ’82. Brian Hubbard, Sally, the Red Rocker, Johansen, Teresa Sauter, Steve Johnson, Debbie Dahlberg, our Presidents, Julie Hansen and Kathleen McCrae. I remember. Man what a class that was. I remember. Wow. I remember thinking, man I can do this job and I’ll never have a bad year as long as I teach. Famous last words… I remember getting my rear end kicked in the classroom the next year. It was ugly. The juniors were, the juniors were, the juniors were tough. Phew… they were tough. It was ugly. I went to college to be a CPA, not to be a teacher. The 1982-83 year was so rough that I got my accounting books out and thought it’s time for me to go back to school, finish the accounting degree, sit for the test and never look back. What would my life have been like if I had finished teaching in 1983? I don’t know. Well I didn’t finish teaching in 1983; I stayed with it. And I am so very, very glad I did. So very, very glad.
I remember lots of changes in fashion, slang, and music. For fashion, I remember the girls wearing leg warmers in the 80’s. I thought, well that makes sense, it’s keeping them warm and comfortable; there’s a piece of clothing that will never go out of style. I was wrong. During that same generation I remember that not only did kids wear polo shirts they wore two at a time, in coordinated colors, with the collars turned up. That was the guys and the girls alike. It’s funny now because it seems “old school”. I remember the dancing changing over the years. Break dancing in the late 80’s was loads of fun to watch; I remember that too. And now you’re break dancing again. Things connect.
I remember kids winning trophies and state offices and I remember them not winning. I remember kids being incredibly happy with their success and I remember some kids sobbing because of their disappointments. In 1996 I remember Heidi Ballenger losing her state office election by 5 votes, five crummy votes out of hundreds. I remember running 5 kids for state offices in 1990 and every one of them didn’t win. I remember Cindy Faulkner running for state Secretary in 1988. She made the cut for the last five, she survived the first ballot to get down to three. She survived the next ballot to get it down to just two. On the last ballot there was a tie. Out of about 300 votes there was a tie. We had five minutes of caucusing where kids walked around and tried to talk other delegates into changing their vote. They voted again and Cindy didn’t win. She cried pretty hard. She told me that she would make it to Nationals during her senior year by competing in Apparel & Accessories. She was second at Area I think. At state six qualified for Nationals that year. Cindy came in 7th by one point out of a possible 300. She cried again. I remember that. I certainly remember the disappointments that kids have faced. Some of those disappointments were decades ago and some of them were very recent.
I remember the triumphs, if that’s a good word. I remember the state offices we have won—quite a few actually. I remember the many trophies, the plaques and the scholarships. I remember the smiles, the beaming faces, and the sense of accomplishment that kids have had over the years. I remember taking kids to our Retreat, to leadership conferences, to Area, State, and National Competition. I have done some adding and through the decades I have taken over 2,000 kids somewhere overnight. Those are good memories. I remember the first Retreat we did in 1988. I wanted to do something more than competition. Competition worked for some kids but not all. That first Retreat we had 21 kids, two chaperones, and me. We had one big puzzle group. It actually worked remarkably well. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to expand it the next year but I didn’t know how to manage 3 or 4 puzzle groups so I asked some alumni to help me. In fact only one of them had been at the Retreat in 1988 and the other two had graduated the year before but I hoped they would help. I was humbled and grateful when all three of them said yes. Through the years more and more alumni helped. Again, I am so humbled and so very grateful. I remember…
The program has evolved and changed a lot through the years. There are some constants and there are things that have come and gone. My three goals have stayed constant for decades—teach you to sell, teach you to believe in yourself, and teach you to be leaders. In some cases that evolution or change occurred because I made it happen, in some cases kids initiated something and the program ran with it. In some cases, I guess things just changed.
I remember in the fall of 1993 one of my girls told me she had an idea and wanted to talk to me about it. She came in at lunch and said there are too many people trying to talk to you. I want your undivided attention for an hour. I answered her and said you will need to come in at 6:00 to have my undivided attention. She said she would be in the next day. I knew she would come but I thought sure she would be at least a little late. I got there at 6:02 and she was waiting by the door. She greeted me with, “You’re late!” I remember saying, “You’re right and I have no excuse. I apologize and it won’t happen again.” That girl’s name was Trehia and she wanted to put on a party for the Life Skills kids. She told me she needed me to get passionate about it so the classes would get passionate about it and then it would happen. I honestly didn’t really answer one way or another except to ask her questions. I did say I thought we were pretty busy already but that I would listen. I remember her telling me about the kinds of things the Life Skills kids were asking for and how badly they were getting ridiculed in the cafeteria. There was a point when I knew I was over the line, when she told me about the kid who wanted a blanket for his bed. That wasn’t an extra blanket, that’s the first one. That still gets to me when I think about it. We got that boy that blanket. I remember that I worried that there wouldn’t be kids to replace Trehia and Jayna the first chairs of the party. I worried that kids in future years wouldn’t want to care about this project. Every year there were new kids who stepped up, who were willing to care, to take time, to get outside of themselves, every year, every year. I remember. I remember.
In the spring of 2004 two of my junior girls, they were sisters, started talking to me about opening an espresso stand. They meant something serious and real. In the fall they brought it up more and more. We were staying after school talking about it and beginning to plan for it in a serious way. Sometimes we were there until 5:00 or 5:30 just planning for that project. There were a great many concerns to be worked out. We built that espresso stand and opened in November 2004. One of the questions they couldn’t answer that I largely had to gamble on was, who would care about this when you are gone? Well, again, kids have stepped up every year. I look back, I remember, every year someone has stepped up.
Because I’ve been at the high school for so many years, things, events, and people connect in lots of ways for me through the years. Lot’s of ways…
(Here tonight in our audience is Trehia, the girl who started the Life Skills Christmas Party. Here tonight are Kelly and Katey who got the Coffee Corner going. Kelly and Katey were also chairs for the Life Skills Christmas party. Things connect...)
A few minutes ago I told you a story about Dave Rhode. Well, he’s an adult now. He worked at Bry’s for years. In 1986 he purchased a store in Arlington. It’s called Unique Upholstery. He expanded the store to do floor coverings. He has been very successful and from what I understand he has a second shop in eastern Washington. The previous owner was Jim Duke. Jim ran the shop for years. He was quite good at it. Jim and his wife had two kids. They were twins—a boy named Tim and a girl named Terri. I had both of them in class. Back in the late 70’s we elected our W-DECA State Officers in the fall of the year in which they would serve rather than the spring before, like is done now. Tim and Terri Duke were twins but they had a little different approach to school. You might say that Tim didn’t care for school as much as Terri did. They were both nice kids and I enjoyed both of them but one of them was a little more serious student. At the end of their junior year Terri decided she was going to be a DECA State officer. She took some materials home to study in the summer. I remember that. I thought, wow, this kid is motivated; she’s got a chance to win. Whether she does or not chasing the office will be fun and a good experience for her. One night during the summer, Terri was driving home. It was the 70’s, we weren’t as seatbelt conscious then as now. She made a turn, caught some of the gravel on the shoulder and started to swerve. She overcorrected and rolled the car. I remember the call from her dad telling me she died. I remember.
I remember the very fluid, kind of free flowing conversations at lunch with kids through the years. For virtually my entire career I have had fourth period prep so I could work with kids during lunch. During that time we organized and planned projects, we practiced competitive events and speeches, we made stuff happen. During that time kids just talked with each other and with me some of the time. Some of those conversations were hilarious; kids would get laughing and just not be able to stop. Some of those conversations were difficult and painful. Through the decades there isn’t much I haven’t heard. Kids frustrations with each other and their teachers, hearts hurting from boyfriends and girlfriends, the aches and pains of growing up… More difficult things like abuse of every kind, totally dysfunctional families, abortions, deaths of parents and siblings, rapes… difficult things. I remember, I remember.
I remember Kelly Melum, our president in 1979. She kept in touch for several years. I remember when she brought her first son in to show me. He crawled on the floor while we talked. Sixteen years later he would sit in on of the chairs in my classroom as a student. I remember. I have only one class this year where I don’t have at least one student who’s parents I had in class. Time passes. It’s gone so quickly.
I remember weddings of students. There’s really something special about going to those. I remember visiting students in the hospital and being pretty scared a couple times when kid’s lives were in danger. I remember. I remember. It’s easiest to remember kids who come back to visit and I remember being energized by those visits from alumni.
My enduring favorite memory is when in one way or another one of you shows that you have gained confidence. Sometimes it is very visible to all around and sometimes it’s subtle. I remember seeing kids grow in skills and confidence. Those moments are special.
In 1996 the chairpersons of our Life Skills Christmas party were Jennifer and Sabrina. That same school year, in January or February of 1997, Jennifer and Sabrina went with Kara, one of our seniors, to a Rotary meeting. They were there to talk about projects we were working on. When it was almost time for Jennifer and Sabrina to talk they asked Kara to do it for them. Kara encouraged them and told them they could do it. The next school year Kara was an alumna here at our Retreat and Jennifer and Sabrina were seniors. Jennifer and Sabrina introduced some activities and did a lot to help get things planned. When the alumni were debriefing after the kids had left the discussion went around the table. A very simple, but for me I think very memorable and profound moment, was when Kara recounted the experience at Rotary the year before. She said, “I remember thinking how easy it had become for me to get up and speak but that they needed to learn it too.” She added, “I watched them here when they got up to talk and I knew what I had felt inside was what they were feeling inside, what happened for me was happening for them, and I knew they weren’t scared little girls anymore. What we do here makes a difference!” The best part of what she said was “WE”, what we do here makes a difference. She didn’t talk to me or about me; in fact she didn’t even look at me. I happened to be sitting next to her and she looked at the alumni across the table. They nodded. I love that she said “we”, what “WE” do here makes a difference. Through the years there has been so much “WE”, so many people have helped in so many ways. Just at this Retreat alone we have had about 225 or 230 chaperones and about 250 or 255 alumni. So much “WE”, so much “WE”. I am so grateful, so very grateful. I remember.
So here we are now. I remember the past and most of it is good. But we’re here now. You and I. I walked through these memories so that I could pose three questions. What will I remember about 36 years of teaching? What will I remember about this year? What will I remember about each of you? It is a memorable year to be sure.
It is a memorable year for me to be sure; it’s my last year at the high school. Tonight, only 57 days into the year there are many things I can’t see yet. There is a lot of the year left to unfold. We have set several goals for ourselves. I would like us to finish with a great Life Skills party. We are planning to do a Martin Luther King program in January. It sure looks like we will be doing a “Think About It” program at the Marysville Middle School and possibly at one or both of the other middle schools. That is more than enough to keep us very busy.
My first question was, “What will I remember about 36 years of teaching?” There is too much to say so at this point I will answer by saying simply that it was a privilege to be a teacher. My second question was, “What will I remember about this year?” There is still so much left to happen so I’m not sure how to answer my second question. My answer is I don’t know what I’ll remember about this year.
I am imagining now. I’m imagining myself 5 years, 10 years from now thinking back about the 2008-09 school year. It’s the year 2019 and I am remembering. I’ve been selling real estate for ten years now. You are all adults. You’re all still young but now you’re in your late 20’s. You’re not high school kids anymore. You’ve done all kinds of things. You have education, you have jobs, and some of you are married and have families. High school seems like a long time ago to you. It’s 2019 and I’m thinking about all of you. I’m remembering this year. Now the third question. What will I remember about you? Ten years from now what will I remember about YOU? Certainly I remember that I retired from Marysville-Pilchuck in 2009. I graduated with the classes of 2009 and 2010. I will remember that but that doesn’t answer the question.
Ten years from now when I close my eyes and think of this class, I won’t think that this year was or wasn’t my last year. I will think of you. No matter what else happens this year, I will think of you.
It’s 2019 now and my eyes are closed. I’m almost 70 years old. What will I remember about you? I’ll remember your special faces and the sound of your voices. I’ll remember laughing with you. I’ll remember that not only were you flexible and patient with the things we tried to take on, but that you looked for new opportunities. I’ll remember 32 new juniors that came in the door alert and alive. As I move through middle age I struggle some with remembering, particularly with short term memory. Ten years from now, I suspect things won’t be getting better. Still, I will remember you. I may stumble on your name, because, up here, things may get a little fuzzy as the years pass. There will always be another place that I will remember you. I will remember you in the place where I keep the things that count the most. Here, here in my heart, here in this place, the place where I keep the things that count the most. When I look back on this year ten years from now I will remember that it made me happy to see you come in the door each day. I will remember that you weren’t just fun to work with you were exciting. I will remember how much you grew in skills and confidence and I will remember that it was a privilege to be your teacher. Remembering your faces and the sound of your voices will make me smile. In 2019, I will remember that I valued you; I will remember that you were important to me. I will remember you were special to me. I will still feel a deep, profound, and enduring sense of gratitude. Ten years from now, twenty years from now finally, finally, FINALLY what I will remember most of all is that I loved you.
The ending
Each of you has a candle. When it is lit it is a tiny fire. It gives off a small amount of light, and a small amount of warmth. Fire. Light. And Warmth. I acknowledge the darkness. Not just the darkness from the setting sun. In all of life there is darkness. I acknowledge that darkness and I acknowledge that I can not keep the darkness from coming. In the face of darkness I light my candle. I light my candle as a simple symbol. A symbol of darkness overcome. Darkness overcome by the light of education. Your education--now that is something worth having, something worth chasing--something worth sweating for. Know that an education is so much more than fetching answers for a worksheet--so much more. Your education is a life-long process. We learn from books, from experience, from each other and from our mistakes. We can learn skills that will last us a lifetime.
I acknowledge self-doubt and I acknowledge that I can not keep it from coming at all times. In the face of self-doubt I light my candle. I light my candle as a simple symbol. A symbol of self-doubt overcome. Self-doubt overcome by the warmth of self-esteem. Basic self-esteem that most fundamental of leadership skills. Affirm yourself everyday. You deserve it so much.
I acknowledge fear and I acknowledge that I can not keep it from happening. In the face of fear I light my candle. I light my candle as a simple symbol. A symbol of fear overcome. Fear overcome by the fire we feel when we believe in ourselves and in each other. There is magic in believing. When you believe you can close your eyes and see the future. The past is just that--past and there is not one thing about the past that anyone can change. We live in the present. The future--the future--that is yours to create--yours to create. Your life is your own--claim the power that is within each one of you.
Do you wonder sometimes what you will be like in the future? Do you wonder what you will do when you graduate from high school? Do you wonder what does life hold for me? Where will I live? What will I do? Will I have nice things? Will I be married? Will I have a family? Will I be happy? Will I be able to face the challenges of life?
There is a part of me that knows that I can’t answer those questions for you down to the last detail. I know I can’t tell you exactly what your life will be like 30 seconds from now let alone years from now. I can’t even tell you what my own life will be exactly down to the last specific detail 30 seconds from now or in all of the years to come. Yet, there is an even bigger part of me that feels I can see the future. Yes I can see the future. With my eyes closed I can see the future. Inside of me I can hear your great voices and I can see your special faces. I know that we do not need to fear tomorrow. I know the leaders of tomorrow. You are leaders today and you are the leaders of tomorrow. Leaders in your homes and families -- leaders in your school and in your community -- leaders in business. You are leaders today and you are the leaders of tomorrow. Believe it; I do. Oh yes, I do.
Blow the candles out please. Sometimes the memory of the light will be all that is with you when it starts to get dark. Sometimes when your candle goes out you’ll wonder if it was even true. Did I just imagine it all? Is there any light? Is there any warmth? Is there anything to believe in? Is there? When your candle is out don’t spend too much time waiting for someone to light it for you. Spend your time lighting it yourself and helping someone to get theirs lit.
When you have the smallest fear or when fear paralyzes and consumes you--When you experience the smallest anxiety or when you just can’t seem to find the way. When darkness seems to be all around you--when your heart feels so very old--how do you light your own candle? How do you find the way again? The difference between the people who are making it and those who aren’t, the difference between the people who are happy and those who aren’t isn’t that life has always been so easy for them it is that they overcome the obstacles. They have faith that overcomes doubt. They have hope which overcomes despair. I am convinced that the way we talk to ourselves about our experiences is more important than the experiences themselves. The way we talk to ourselves helps us to process the past, to live in the present, and to create the future.
Some days, when I come home from school I feel like I could teach for 50 years. In year 50 I would be 72 years old. I don’t know if I can hold up that long. I might be old and foolish and an embarrassment to myself. Maybe not; maybe I’ll be goin’ strong. Somedays I feel like I can do it. Sometimes it’s Thursday and I wonder if I can make it to Saturday. I don’t always enjoy this job. Over the years I seen the highs and I seen the lows. Oh yeah. Sometimes have been very bad. I feel like I am ready to give up. The worst days of all are the ones when you ask yourself—what’s the point. The worst days of all are the ones when you say caring isn’t worth it. I just don’t want to care anymore. I look at all of you now and I take my frustrations and I put them aside. I put them aside with energy. I look at all of you now and I take my disappointments and I put them aside. I put them aside with enthusiasm. And I tell you so long ago, on the first day of the first year, I believed it was a privilege to be a teacher. And this day, right now, day 57, year 36 , in my heart, I still believe it is a privilege to be a teacher. Yes a privilege to be a teacher. I believe finally for only one reason. You--you are the reason.
As much as I am able to give and as much as you are able to receive, all of you together and each one of you individually, I want you to know, to know in your hearts, know this night my feeling, my affection, and my love for you is real. All of you together and each one of you individually I want you to know, know in your hearts, know this night, my respect for you is deep. All of you together and each one of you individually I want you to know, know in your hearts, know this night, above all else my belief in you is strong. My belief in you is strong. I want your belief in yourself to be so strong that no one can take it away from you. No one... I want your belief in yourself to be so real to you that you can give some away. In the end leaders empower others through their words and actions. To finish now--calmly—You are leaders today and you are the leaders of tomorrow. Leaders in your homes and families. Leaders in your school and in your community. Leaders in business. You are leaders today and you are the leaders of tomorrow. Believe it; I do, oh yes I do.
It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
P
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Pictures
I'm not sure exactly, "what goes where". I don't want to post the same story twice on two different blogs.
Yesterday's post on this blog, Forgiveness: Part II, is a story from a day of fishing but it really isn't a fishing report; its told from the perspective of a life experience. I also have a fishing blog. There are pictures of the rod there. You can see them at http://themrpblog.blogspot.com/
Yesterday's post on this blog, Forgiveness: Part II, is a story from a day of fishing but it really isn't a fishing report; its told from the perspective of a life experience. I also have a fishing blog. There are pictures of the rod there. You can see them at http://themrpblog.blogspot.com/
Friday, November 13, 2009
Forgiveness: Part II
Earlier this week I started writing something more about forgiveness. I was writing about being hurt by people who love me. It is more challenging to talk about than I anticipated. Much more challenging. I will just have to see what I'm able and willing to do. I guess its like life; I'll have to keep working on it.
I went fishing this morning. The weather was crummy; it was rainy and cold. I left the house at 5:30 and really only intended to fish for a couple hours and then head home and finish my post for today. I knew that I wasn't sure what to say about forgiveness but I felt that thinking about it while I was driving and fishing would help me clarify my thoughts. It didn't.
I caught a few Chum Salmon this morning. The temperature was actually colder when I drove home than when I drove to the river. There was mixed snow and rain. Walking back to my truck my hands were numb and my feet hurt. I'm saying these things because they are true but being honest I'm saying them because they serve as good excuses.
Back at the truck I set the rod on top of the truck. I thought about just driving home with my waders and boots on. I didn't want to change because I was cold. I wanted to stop at a bakery and get a big chocolate chip cookie and knew I couldn't go in the bakery with waders and boots still on. Well I could, and I would, but I probably shouldn't, so I changed out. Like I said, it was raining hard and it was cold.
Relieved to be in the truck, I drove out of the parking area and headed for the bakery. I mean home. A couple miles from the parking area I realized that I had left the rod on top of the truck. Turning the truck around I headed back quickly to the parking area hoping that someone hadn't jacked by my fly rod. Now that's assuming it fell off right away and was there in the parking area. I was going 40 mph in a 35. In about a mile the rod appeared. It was on my side laying directly across the road. By the time I saw it it was too late. I drove over it. I drove right over my own damn rod! Of course hitting the blacktop as it fell off a moving truck didn't do it any good but the truck tire cinched the deal. My rod was dead. Oh, and the reel, it didn't appreciate bouncing on the road either. While I didn't drive over the reel and crush it; it still is bent enough that its life has ended.
I still got my oatmeal chocolate chip cookie of course to help salve my wounds. I probably should have gotten a whole bag.
On the way home I tried to think about how to finish writing about being hurt by others and forgiveness. All I could think about was that I was stupid and careless and that I left hundreds of dollars of gear on top of the truck so that it could fall off and bounce down the highway. What a moron. What a moron. What a damn moron!
I was cold and wet when I got back to the truck. I was in a hurry to get out of the rain, get the truck started and get the heat going. If I hadn't been so cold I would have remembered the rod on top of the truck. If my feet hadn't hurt and my hands hadn't been numb I would have remembered the rod on top of the truck. What a moron.
What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron.
When is enough, enough? Sometimes when I'm criticizing myself, it seems enough is never enough.
What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron.
Okay, that's it. I'm done.
It took me until about 4:00 to get over it, to forgive myself for being careless and just get over it. By 4:30 I was laughing about it.
I left my fly rod on top of my truck. I drove off and it fell on the highway. I went back to look for it and I drove over it. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha! HA HA HA!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
What a moron!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
What a moron.
I forgive myself.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
I forgive myself. Yup, I do. I forgive myself.
What a relief. I forgive myself.
Forgive yourself.
CYLP!
Its the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you and seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
P
I went fishing this morning. The weather was crummy; it was rainy and cold. I left the house at 5:30 and really only intended to fish for a couple hours and then head home and finish my post for today. I knew that I wasn't sure what to say about forgiveness but I felt that thinking about it while I was driving and fishing would help me clarify my thoughts. It didn't.
I caught a few Chum Salmon this morning. The temperature was actually colder when I drove home than when I drove to the river. There was mixed snow and rain. Walking back to my truck my hands were numb and my feet hurt. I'm saying these things because they are true but being honest I'm saying them because they serve as good excuses.
Back at the truck I set the rod on top of the truck. I thought about just driving home with my waders and boots on. I didn't want to change because I was cold. I wanted to stop at a bakery and get a big chocolate chip cookie and knew I couldn't go in the bakery with waders and boots still on. Well I could, and I would, but I probably shouldn't, so I changed out. Like I said, it was raining hard and it was cold.
Relieved to be in the truck, I drove out of the parking area and headed for the bakery. I mean home. A couple miles from the parking area I realized that I had left the rod on top of the truck. Turning the truck around I headed back quickly to the parking area hoping that someone hadn't jacked by my fly rod. Now that's assuming it fell off right away and was there in the parking area. I was going 40 mph in a 35. In about a mile the rod appeared. It was on my side laying directly across the road. By the time I saw it it was too late. I drove over it. I drove right over my own damn rod! Of course hitting the blacktop as it fell off a moving truck didn't do it any good but the truck tire cinched the deal. My rod was dead. Oh, and the reel, it didn't appreciate bouncing on the road either. While I didn't drive over the reel and crush it; it still is bent enough that its life has ended.
I still got my oatmeal chocolate chip cookie of course to help salve my wounds. I probably should have gotten a whole bag.
On the way home I tried to think about how to finish writing about being hurt by others and forgiveness. All I could think about was that I was stupid and careless and that I left hundreds of dollars of gear on top of the truck so that it could fall off and bounce down the highway. What a moron. What a moron. What a damn moron!
I was cold and wet when I got back to the truck. I was in a hurry to get out of the rain, get the truck started and get the heat going. If I hadn't been so cold I would have remembered the rod on top of the truck. If my feet hadn't hurt and my hands hadn't been numb I would have remembered the rod on top of the truck. What a moron.
What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron.
When is enough, enough? Sometimes when I'm criticizing myself, it seems enough is never enough.
What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron.
Okay, that's it. I'm done.
It took me until about 4:00 to get over it, to forgive myself for being careless and just get over it. By 4:30 I was laughing about it.
I left my fly rod on top of my truck. I drove off and it fell on the highway. I went back to look for it and I drove over it. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha! HA HA HA!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
What a moron!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
What a moron.
I forgive myself.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
I forgive myself. Yup, I do. I forgive myself.
What a relief. I forgive myself.
Forgive yourself.
CYLP!
Its the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you and seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
P
Friday, November 6, 2009
Forgiveness: Part I
When I make a mistake, and that happens plenty of times, I want it of course. Forgiveness. If I apologize I want to be forgiven. Doesn’t everyone? When I don’t MEAN to hurt someone, when I don’t INTEND to be careless, then I should be judged by my intentions, not my actions. And then when I say, “I’m sorry”, I should be forgiven. Just like that.
Here at home, from the garage, we walk into our laundry room and then into the entry way. The laundry room is narrow. Katy is in the laundry room, I walk in from the garage, as I open the door it bumps her. I’ve done it before. I need to remember to open the door slowly or say something as it is opening in case she is there. I sure as heck don’t MEAN to bump her. I’ve done it 4 or 5 times since we moved here 15 months ago. I’ve gotten a lot better; still, it seems to me the second time was too many. But then I don’t MEAN to do it; I just forget to be careful. So I keep apologizing.
Now when other people hurt me or are careless I don’t want to judge them by their intentions; I judge them by their actions. Don’t we all judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions?
I dropped off some clients last weekend after showing them homes. Coming to a stop sign on Lake City Way there was a stalled car to my left with cars in line behind it. I wanted to make a right turn so I eased out carefully looking for oncoming cars in the center lane. It was difficult to see because I was coming up a hill, plus, the stalled car and the line behind it were blocking my view. There weren’t any vehicles coming. As I was part way on to the arterial a car pulled out of line, came around the stalled car and started to move into the curb lane. That’s the one I was turning into. I was moving very slowly so it was easy to come to a stop but it was too late; most of my car was past the stop sign. Cringing, I anticipated the impact and the sound of two vehicles colliding. The other vehicle came to a stop within inches of my car. It was two Black kids. Does it matter that it was kids? Does it matter that they were Black? Yes, actually I think it does. I held my hands up in a deferential manner. Rolling down the window I told the driver and the passenger I was sorry. They shook their heads and drove on. They didn’t yell at me or even flip me off. I guess I’m lucky it was some nice Black kids and not some crazy middle age white guy with a two by four in his trunk or a gun in his glove compartment. Think what could have happened…
Now who made the mistake here? Me, because I entered the intersection? The driver of the other car because he came around a stalled vehicle maybe a bit too quickly? I believe the insurance companies would have found me at fault and I would understand that. My heartbeat was seriously accelerated and I’m sure my blood pressure was too. I was lucky.
What if the tables had been turned? What if I came around the stalled car and two Black kids were moving on to the arterial and I almost hit their car? Would I have driven away as easily as they did? Would I have forgiven them as easily as they forgave me? I hope I would have.
These examples really are small items; even a crunched car is minor in the grand scheme of things. What about when the people who I love hurt me? What about when the people, who love me, hurt me? What about that? What about when I hurt the people I love? Not just a bump from a door but serious emotional hurt. What about that?
It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole, physically and emotionally.
P
Here at home, from the garage, we walk into our laundry room and then into the entry way. The laundry room is narrow. Katy is in the laundry room, I walk in from the garage, as I open the door it bumps her. I’ve done it before. I need to remember to open the door slowly or say something as it is opening in case she is there. I sure as heck don’t MEAN to bump her. I’ve done it 4 or 5 times since we moved here 15 months ago. I’ve gotten a lot better; still, it seems to me the second time was too many. But then I don’t MEAN to do it; I just forget to be careful. So I keep apologizing.
Now when other people hurt me or are careless I don’t want to judge them by their intentions; I judge them by their actions. Don’t we all judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions?
I dropped off some clients last weekend after showing them homes. Coming to a stop sign on Lake City Way there was a stalled car to my left with cars in line behind it. I wanted to make a right turn so I eased out carefully looking for oncoming cars in the center lane. It was difficult to see because I was coming up a hill, plus, the stalled car and the line behind it were blocking my view. There weren’t any vehicles coming. As I was part way on to the arterial a car pulled out of line, came around the stalled car and started to move into the curb lane. That’s the one I was turning into. I was moving very slowly so it was easy to come to a stop but it was too late; most of my car was past the stop sign. Cringing, I anticipated the impact and the sound of two vehicles colliding. The other vehicle came to a stop within inches of my car. It was two Black kids. Does it matter that it was kids? Does it matter that they were Black? Yes, actually I think it does. I held my hands up in a deferential manner. Rolling down the window I told the driver and the passenger I was sorry. They shook their heads and drove on. They didn’t yell at me or even flip me off. I guess I’m lucky it was some nice Black kids and not some crazy middle age white guy with a two by four in his trunk or a gun in his glove compartment. Think what could have happened…
Now who made the mistake here? Me, because I entered the intersection? The driver of the other car because he came around a stalled vehicle maybe a bit too quickly? I believe the insurance companies would have found me at fault and I would understand that. My heartbeat was seriously accelerated and I’m sure my blood pressure was too. I was lucky.
What if the tables had been turned? What if I came around the stalled car and two Black kids were moving on to the arterial and I almost hit their car? Would I have driven away as easily as they did? Would I have forgiven them as easily as they forgave me? I hope I would have.
These examples really are small items; even a crunched car is minor in the grand scheme of things. What about when the people who I love hurt me? What about when the people, who love me, hurt me? What about that? What about when I hurt the people I love? Not just a bump from a door but serious emotional hurt. What about that?
It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole, physically and emotionally.
P
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tagging
I still think about school every day. At least in passing. I wonder if that will ever stop. Truly, I don't need it to stop but I wonder if it will. Somedays I think about it more than others. That said, I'm not sad or regretful. I miss kids and I miss the classroom but I feel very good about my decision to change careers.
I spoke with with Taylor, one of my alumni, yesterday who called from California. She is a college student and wanted some help with a marketing project she is working on. It was great to hear the enthusiasm in her voice and it was exciting for me to be "talking about that stuff" with her.
I showed condominiums most of the day yesterday in Seattle to Ian and Midori, a couple getting ready to make their first home purchase. We looked at both new construction and existing construction in different neighborhoods. As an aside, this young couple is about is nice and pleasant as two people could be. As we drove away from one complex we went down an alley. There was a fair amount of tagging on the garages. It was quite a contrast to the new complex in which we spent the most time.
Back in my home office I was making some follow up notes to the day and reflecting on what will actually meet Ian and Midori's needs.
After awhile my thoughts wandered back to that alley with the tagging. Tagging bugs me. It bugs me because if defaces property. It bugs me because its disrespecful. It bugs me because it feeds on itself. It bugs me because there is something wrong with the people who do it. I'm careful not to say "the KIDS who do it." Who knows maybe its some crazy senior citizens from the local retirement center. Some tagging scares me because I know its gang related. I found myself thinking of a way to do a project to reduce tagging. There is one problem with that idea; I don't see 150 kids each day who might like to take on the project with me.
I'm really liking what I am doing these days. I genuinely enjoy real estate. I'm liking the change in schedule and the new challenges. I'm taking Ian and Midori out again tomorrow to look at single family homes and larger condos. I am going to make darn sure that what they purchase meets their needs and that I take care of them through the whole process.
I'm still thinking about the tagging. If it isn't tagging then I know there will be something else I will be thinking about. That part of me is a bit restless. I think that could be a good thing. I'm not sure where it will lead me.
It is almost the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat youreslf with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
P
I spoke with with Taylor, one of my alumni, yesterday who called from California. She is a college student and wanted some help with a marketing project she is working on. It was great to hear the enthusiasm in her voice and it was exciting for me to be "talking about that stuff" with her.
I showed condominiums most of the day yesterday in Seattle to Ian and Midori, a couple getting ready to make their first home purchase. We looked at both new construction and existing construction in different neighborhoods. As an aside, this young couple is about is nice and pleasant as two people could be. As we drove away from one complex we went down an alley. There was a fair amount of tagging on the garages. It was quite a contrast to the new complex in which we spent the most time.
Back in my home office I was making some follow up notes to the day and reflecting on what will actually meet Ian and Midori's needs.
After awhile my thoughts wandered back to that alley with the tagging. Tagging bugs me. It bugs me because if defaces property. It bugs me because its disrespecful. It bugs me because it feeds on itself. It bugs me because there is something wrong with the people who do it. I'm careful not to say "the KIDS who do it." Who knows maybe its some crazy senior citizens from the local retirement center. Some tagging scares me because I know its gang related. I found myself thinking of a way to do a project to reduce tagging. There is one problem with that idea; I don't see 150 kids each day who might like to take on the project with me.
I'm really liking what I am doing these days. I genuinely enjoy real estate. I'm liking the change in schedule and the new challenges. I'm taking Ian and Midori out again tomorrow to look at single family homes and larger condos. I am going to make darn sure that what they purchase meets their needs and that I take care of them through the whole process.
I'm still thinking about the tagging. If it isn't tagging then I know there will be something else I will be thinking about. That part of me is a bit restless. I think that could be a good thing. I'm not sure where it will lead me.
It is almost the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat youreslf with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
P
Friday, October 23, 2009
Dinner with Grandma
Earlier in the week I had started to write something about aging and having just turned 59. Fall leaves, malfunctioning computer, stuff like that. It’s still there; I’ll get back to it eventually.
Our daughter, Annie, just got home from six weeks in Central America; she is quite the intrepid traveler. She is staying with us for several days. We are enjoying listening to her regale us with stories about her trip.
Katy, Annie, and I took dinner down to my Mom’s home yesterday. Our son, Joe, and his wife, Kelly, also came over. My Mom is 86. The last few years have been very hard on her in terms of aging and becoming increasingly frail. The osteoporosis has really taken a toll. With little exertion she is short of breath. She has severe hearing loss. Twice this last month I have taken her in to upgrade her hearing aids and to get them adjusted. Her hands tremble, she is very unsteady on her feet and she moves slowly. She wants very much to stay in her own home but isn’t sure how much longer she can do it.
For so many reasons my Mom is my hero.
Yesterday I was reminded how much I want to pray like my Mom. We say grace and always her prayers of supplication are for others. Her prayers for herself are always prayers of gratitude. As much as she struggles and as difficult as things have become for her, she still says prayers of gratitude. I want to pray like my Mom; I so much want to pray like my Mom.
It’s the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
Our daughter, Annie, just got home from six weeks in Central America; she is quite the intrepid traveler. She is staying with us for several days. We are enjoying listening to her regale us with stories about her trip.
Katy, Annie, and I took dinner down to my Mom’s home yesterday. Our son, Joe, and his wife, Kelly, also came over. My Mom is 86. The last few years have been very hard on her in terms of aging and becoming increasingly frail. The osteoporosis has really taken a toll. With little exertion she is short of breath. She has severe hearing loss. Twice this last month I have taken her in to upgrade her hearing aids and to get them adjusted. Her hands tremble, she is very unsteady on her feet and she moves slowly. She wants very much to stay in her own home but isn’t sure how much longer she can do it.
For so many reasons my Mom is my hero.
Yesterday I was reminded how much I want to pray like my Mom. We say grace and always her prayers of supplication are for others. Her prayers for herself are always prayers of gratitude. As much as she struggles and as difficult as things have become for her, she still says prayers of gratitude. I want to pray like my Mom; I so much want to pray like my Mom.
It’s the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Abraham and Ramesh
Making a call to a computer company’s customer support center earlier this summer I knew as soon as the person answered that he was not likely in this country. I thought I understood him say his name but I wasn’t sure. I like to call people by name even when I’m just on the phone. I asked him to repeat his name and indeed it was “Abraham”. I asked him what country he was in and he said, “India.” I thought, come on man, that’s not your name. With good intentions I asked him what his “real” name is. He responded by asking me what he could help me with. I asked him what his family calls him and asked me how he could help me.
I told him what trouble I was having with the computer but found myself thinking, “Yeah right, Abraham, that’s not your name. Is the guy next to you called Lincoln? What do you guys do, pick names out of a hat or a bowl? Do all of you have American president names? Is there a Grover in your call center? A Woodrow? A Harry? A couple Georges? And now, how would you decide who gets to be Barrack? Or would you just go with Barry?
My mind was wandering while Abraham had me on hold and was getting help with my question. I wondered if maybe they put the names up on a white board and the customer service guys just pick a name. Jeeesh Abraham, why the heck did you pick that name? Couldn’t you pick something simple, maybe just one syllable? You know, John, Todd, Bill, Ken, Matt, heck almost anything would be more believable than “Abraham”. Were you late the day they picked names and you got the leftovers? Come on Abraham, I’m not buying this bologna.
I know Abraham, you’re the worst “rock, paper, scissors” player in the whole country. You have never, ever, won two out of three. You guys had a major “rock, paper, scissors” tournament for names and you lost every round. I bet you just hate the sight of someone holding out the palm of their left hand with a right hand fist sitting in it.
I thought, when this guy comes back on the line I’m going to get him to tell me his real name and I’m going to say it back to him. As it turned out he had difficulty getting an answer to my question so the call ended taking some time. I was starting to wonder if Abraham was really qualified to take care of the problem or to even find someone who could. My frustration with the computer problem and the length of the phone call told me it was best to stick to the business of getting the problem solved and just say simply, “Thanks Abraham” at the end of the call.
As a teacher I worked hard to learn to say kids’ names correctly. I worked to learn many middle names. I read names at graduation several times. The longest middle name I ever read was, Kaehukaiopuaena. If middle age memory is serving me correctly and I still am pronouncing it the right way, it has nine syllables. The shortest and actually most difficult name I ever read was three syllables total. There was one syllable for the first, middle, and last name. What made it difficult for me was that it was a Vietnamese name so the sounds were something I had to learn. I had the boy in class the whole year so when it was time for graduation I could say his name easily.
On those first few days of class I asked him to help me with his name. He was self-conscious from the start. I had him repeat just the sound of his first and last name over and over so I could learn it. Now how hard is that? Not too tough. It just took some practice for me to hear him say it and then to learn to repeat it. In the process I know I embarrassed him. My intentions were good and the result was good but along the way he was self-conscious. At the end of the year he wrote me a note thanking me for working so hard to learn to say his name.
Katy and I live in a new development with a Homeowner’s Association. I’m the president of the association. We had a Board of Director’s meeting and a homeowner’s meeting on Monday. I had planned to get everyone to introduce themselves and say which home they lived in. One of the homeowners introduced himself as Ramesh. We were creating a contact list so the person taking minutes asked him his last name. He said it but he wouldn’t spell it for her. He said that it was a difficult name and that he would come up and spell it for her at the end of the meeting. He was self-conscious, just like so many kids I knew through the years because there was something different about them. Sometimes it was just the sound of their name.
I let it go. Darlene, who was taking minutes, moved smoothly to the next person. I may have been the only person in the room that it bothered. Not in any earth shaking way, really, in just a very small way, I failed Ramesh. I should have asked him to spell his name for me and told him that it was important to me to learn how to spell it and say it.
There are so many experiences that are common to people regardless of age, gender, or culture. In the soil of human experience people have so many roots that bind us together. We all want to be accepted. We all want to be known. We all need to be cared for and to care for others. We may fight those things but they are still true.
I understand that no one contacts a customer service call center to say, “Hi, hey good morning, I just called to let you guys know my computer is working fine. Thanks a lot, have a good day.” People call because something isn’t working right. In some cases they have no patience to start with. In some cases they may have attempted to problem solve on their own for hours so by the time they call they also have no patience. Not being able to understand the name of the person who answers the phone doesn’t help. I get that the callers from the United States will respond better if they hear a name they recognize. I get that.
I do not live in a customer service call center. I live in a neighborhood.
I am trying to get all of the neighbors to participate in a Neighborhood Watch Program. A big part of that is for each of us to know our neighbors and to allow ourselves to be known by our neighbors. I’m driving the program at this point. It will be awhile before it has some momentum. By not getting Ramesh to spell his last name, in a tiny way, I didn’t help my own program.
Through the years in the classroom I grew to hate that self-conscious look of not fitting in for something as simple as the sound of your name.
Ramesh, at the next meeting I’ll do better. Yup, I will. I am going to get you to say your name out loud and I am going to get other people to repeat it. At first you may not like that; it may make you more self conscious. I am going to get other people to say their names out loud also. You'll smile at the end Ramesh. Yup, you will.
It is Friday. The weekend is near. Please be good. No matter what age you are. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Stay whole, physically and emotionally.
P
I told him what trouble I was having with the computer but found myself thinking, “Yeah right, Abraham, that’s not your name. Is the guy next to you called Lincoln? What do you guys do, pick names out of a hat or a bowl? Do all of you have American president names? Is there a Grover in your call center? A Woodrow? A Harry? A couple Georges? And now, how would you decide who gets to be Barrack? Or would you just go with Barry?
My mind was wandering while Abraham had me on hold and was getting help with my question. I wondered if maybe they put the names up on a white board and the customer service guys just pick a name. Jeeesh Abraham, why the heck did you pick that name? Couldn’t you pick something simple, maybe just one syllable? You know, John, Todd, Bill, Ken, Matt, heck almost anything would be more believable than “Abraham”. Were you late the day they picked names and you got the leftovers? Come on Abraham, I’m not buying this bologna.
I know Abraham, you’re the worst “rock, paper, scissors” player in the whole country. You have never, ever, won two out of three. You guys had a major “rock, paper, scissors” tournament for names and you lost every round. I bet you just hate the sight of someone holding out the palm of their left hand with a right hand fist sitting in it.
I thought, when this guy comes back on the line I’m going to get him to tell me his real name and I’m going to say it back to him. As it turned out he had difficulty getting an answer to my question so the call ended taking some time. I was starting to wonder if Abraham was really qualified to take care of the problem or to even find someone who could. My frustration with the computer problem and the length of the phone call told me it was best to stick to the business of getting the problem solved and just say simply, “Thanks Abraham” at the end of the call.
As a teacher I worked hard to learn to say kids’ names correctly. I worked to learn many middle names. I read names at graduation several times. The longest middle name I ever read was, Kaehukaiopuaena. If middle age memory is serving me correctly and I still am pronouncing it the right way, it has nine syllables. The shortest and actually most difficult name I ever read was three syllables total. There was one syllable for the first, middle, and last name. What made it difficult for me was that it was a Vietnamese name so the sounds were something I had to learn. I had the boy in class the whole year so when it was time for graduation I could say his name easily.
On those first few days of class I asked him to help me with his name. He was self-conscious from the start. I had him repeat just the sound of his first and last name over and over so I could learn it. Now how hard is that? Not too tough. It just took some practice for me to hear him say it and then to learn to repeat it. In the process I know I embarrassed him. My intentions were good and the result was good but along the way he was self-conscious. At the end of the year he wrote me a note thanking me for working so hard to learn to say his name.
Katy and I live in a new development with a Homeowner’s Association. I’m the president of the association. We had a Board of Director’s meeting and a homeowner’s meeting on Monday. I had planned to get everyone to introduce themselves and say which home they lived in. One of the homeowners introduced himself as Ramesh. We were creating a contact list so the person taking minutes asked him his last name. He said it but he wouldn’t spell it for her. He said that it was a difficult name and that he would come up and spell it for her at the end of the meeting. He was self-conscious, just like so many kids I knew through the years because there was something different about them. Sometimes it was just the sound of their name.
I let it go. Darlene, who was taking minutes, moved smoothly to the next person. I may have been the only person in the room that it bothered. Not in any earth shaking way, really, in just a very small way, I failed Ramesh. I should have asked him to spell his name for me and told him that it was important to me to learn how to spell it and say it.
There are so many experiences that are common to people regardless of age, gender, or culture. In the soil of human experience people have so many roots that bind us together. We all want to be accepted. We all want to be known. We all need to be cared for and to care for others. We may fight those things but they are still true.
I understand that no one contacts a customer service call center to say, “Hi, hey good morning, I just called to let you guys know my computer is working fine. Thanks a lot, have a good day.” People call because something isn’t working right. In some cases they have no patience to start with. In some cases they may have attempted to problem solve on their own for hours so by the time they call they also have no patience. Not being able to understand the name of the person who answers the phone doesn’t help. I get that the callers from the United States will respond better if they hear a name they recognize. I get that.
I do not live in a customer service call center. I live in a neighborhood.
I am trying to get all of the neighbors to participate in a Neighborhood Watch Program. A big part of that is for each of us to know our neighbors and to allow ourselves to be known by our neighbors. I’m driving the program at this point. It will be awhile before it has some momentum. By not getting Ramesh to spell his last name, in a tiny way, I didn’t help my own program.
Through the years in the classroom I grew to hate that self-conscious look of not fitting in for something as simple as the sound of your name.
Ramesh, at the next meeting I’ll do better. Yup, I will. I am going to get you to say your name out loud and I am going to get other people to repeat it. At first you may not like that; it may make you more self conscious. I am going to get other people to say their names out loud also. You'll smile at the end Ramesh. Yup, you will.
It is Friday. The weekend is near. Please be good. No matter what age you are. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Stay whole, physically and emotionally.
P
Friday, October 9, 2009
Auntie Helen
Let me begin by saying I’m not sad. I’m glad. My Aunt died at 6:15 AM on Tuesday morning. She was 84 years old. Again, I’m glad.
Auntie Helen, my dad’s sister, was the youngest in a family of 5 kids. Their parents, my grandparents, were immigrants in the early part of the 20th century. My dad and his siblings grew up on a subsistence farm that did not have electricity or indoor plumbing. Plain and simply, they were poor. They had a well, an outhouse, and a wood burning stove in the kitchen. My grandfather was a coal miner for part of his life. Still, the family had to rely in part on what they grew, caught or killed. They lived here, in western Washington, a couple hours from Seattle. Today, that seems remarkable to me yet I know it is so. Both of my parents and all of my aunts and uncles were ESL kids. My dad grew up speaking Polish at home and my mom spoke Italian. They learned English at school.
Auntie Helen had asthma. Her doctor recommended that she move to a drier climate when she was a young woman in hopes that it would ease the symptoms. Seeking respite from difficulty breathing, she lived in Denver, Colorado for decades.
Growing up I remember her coming to visit pretty much every other summer. She would stay for a week. We would hike and fish; those are very good memories for me. As a young woman Auntie Helen was a good downhill skier. She even raced competitively. She had a dry sense of humor. She enjoyed opera music.
Where does a life go? Where does health go? And in particular, where does basic sanity and mental stability go? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Auntie Helen’s health has been deteriorating for the last several years. This past June her friend, Betty, found her on the floor one morning. Auntie Helen was disoriented and had to be hospitalized. She was there for two weeks. During her stay she had a PEG tube (a trans-abdominal feeding tube) inserted. This was the only way they could ensure that she was getting any nourishment.
The doctors also diagnosed her with moderately severe dementia. How does this happen? Where does a person’s mind go? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
The part of me that looks at problems and wants to fix them sometimes thinks I can “fix” anything. I get frustrated when I can’t. At times it is unreasonable or downright impossible for me to fix some things. I have trouble accepting that at sometimes. Even after all these years of experience of not being able to change something just because I want to, you would think I would be calmer about it. It still can make me angry.
I was angry that Auntie Helen was suffering. There was little to nothing I could do about it.
I’m not angry she died and I’m not sad. I’m glad. My belief is that there is another life and that she is happy now. Very happy.
When I struggle with things like this that I can’t change at all the only thing I know to do is follow Mother Teresa’s advice, “Begin in the place where you are.” To that end I resolve to be a good person, a good husband, a good father, a good friend, a good son and sibling. I don’t know what else to do. I just don’t know.
It is Friday. Tomorrow is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally.
I am glad.
CYLP.
Auntie Helen, my dad’s sister, was the youngest in a family of 5 kids. Their parents, my grandparents, were immigrants in the early part of the 20th century. My dad and his siblings grew up on a subsistence farm that did not have electricity or indoor plumbing. Plain and simply, they were poor. They had a well, an outhouse, and a wood burning stove in the kitchen. My grandfather was a coal miner for part of his life. Still, the family had to rely in part on what they grew, caught or killed. They lived here, in western Washington, a couple hours from Seattle. Today, that seems remarkable to me yet I know it is so. Both of my parents and all of my aunts and uncles were ESL kids. My dad grew up speaking Polish at home and my mom spoke Italian. They learned English at school.
Auntie Helen had asthma. Her doctor recommended that she move to a drier climate when she was a young woman in hopes that it would ease the symptoms. Seeking respite from difficulty breathing, she lived in Denver, Colorado for decades.
Growing up I remember her coming to visit pretty much every other summer. She would stay for a week. We would hike and fish; those are very good memories for me. As a young woman Auntie Helen was a good downhill skier. She even raced competitively. She had a dry sense of humor. She enjoyed opera music.
Where does a life go? Where does health go? And in particular, where does basic sanity and mental stability go? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Auntie Helen’s health has been deteriorating for the last several years. This past June her friend, Betty, found her on the floor one morning. Auntie Helen was disoriented and had to be hospitalized. She was there for two weeks. During her stay she had a PEG tube (a trans-abdominal feeding tube) inserted. This was the only way they could ensure that she was getting any nourishment.
The doctors also diagnosed her with moderately severe dementia. How does this happen? Where does a person’s mind go? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
The part of me that looks at problems and wants to fix them sometimes thinks I can “fix” anything. I get frustrated when I can’t. At times it is unreasonable or downright impossible for me to fix some things. I have trouble accepting that at sometimes. Even after all these years of experience of not being able to change something just because I want to, you would think I would be calmer about it. It still can make me angry.
I was angry that Auntie Helen was suffering. There was little to nothing I could do about it.
I’m not angry she died and I’m not sad. I’m glad. My belief is that there is another life and that she is happy now. Very happy.
When I struggle with things like this that I can’t change at all the only thing I know to do is follow Mother Teresa’s advice, “Begin in the place where you are.” To that end I resolve to be a good person, a good husband, a good father, a good friend, a good son and sibling. I don’t know what else to do. I just don’t know.
It is Friday. Tomorrow is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally.
I am glad.
CYLP.
Friday, October 2, 2009
The New Garbage Day
Good morning,
In our old neighborhood the garbage got picked up on Monday. I went around the house on Sunday night and collected the trash and the recycling. Now our garbage gets picked up on Thursday so I get things put out on Wednesday evening. I tried through the years to remind myself to take out my head trash on Wednesday nights also. It of course works better sometimes than others but it helped to have a routine even though I knew their would be more head trash to take out next week just like their was garbage and recycling.
Now that the garbage is picked up on a different day it has disrupted my routine. Some weeks I think to take it out on Wednesday. I have had to be reminded to take it out on Sunday. The same is true for my head trash. I need to remind myself to take it out. Just like house garbage it accumulates unless I get rid of it. I CAN take it out but I have to remind myself to do it and I have to work at it.
Trust always that you have worth and value. You had worth and value before you had consciousness.
It's Friday. The weekend is near. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect, spend time with people who treat you with respect, treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally.
CYLP!
P
In our old neighborhood the garbage got picked up on Monday. I went around the house on Sunday night and collected the trash and the recycling. Now our garbage gets picked up on Thursday so I get things put out on Wednesday evening. I tried through the years to remind myself to take out my head trash on Wednesday nights also. It of course works better sometimes than others but it helped to have a routine even though I knew their would be more head trash to take out next week just like their was garbage and recycling.
Now that the garbage is picked up on a different day it has disrupted my routine. Some weeks I think to take it out on Wednesday. I have had to be reminded to take it out on Sunday. The same is true for my head trash. I need to remind myself to take it out. Just like house garbage it accumulates unless I get rid of it. I CAN take it out but I have to remind myself to do it and I have to work at it.
Trust always that you have worth and value. You had worth and value before you had consciousness.
It's Friday. The weekend is near. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect, spend time with people who treat you with respect, treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally.
CYLP!
P
Friday, September 25, 2009
Smoke Under the Door
Good morning.
I wake up sometimes and I’m so happy to be alive. I don’t need the alarm; I just get up and I’m ready to go—so ready to go. Oh YEAH!!
I wake up sometimes so slowly. I drag. The attitude gravity pulls on me. It pulls hard. Sometimes there is a good reason for me to fell the attitude gravity. Sometimes I feel the pull but I don’t even know the reason. It just pulls. It pulls so hard. Sometimes I just don’t know why. Sometimes I can laugh at the attitude gravity. Sometimes I can spit on it. Sometimes I think you will never get to me again! HA! You will never touch me again! Never. NEVER!
Sometimes, sometimes, I just can’t keep it away. It creeps in like smoke under a door. Pretty soon the smoke is filling the room; the smoke is choking me. I can’t see. It feels like I can’t breathe. Where does it come from? How does it sneak up on me?
There are so many things in my life I can’t control. I worry about my family. I worry about people I care for. I worry about mistakes I’ve made. I worry about the future. There is so much I can’t control.
I work hard to manage my self-talk. It is for me a form of prayer. It reaffirms my trust. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is such a battle.
Trust always that you have worth and value.
It is Friday. The weekend is near. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to seeing you or hearing from you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally.
CYLP!
P
I wake up sometimes and I’m so happy to be alive. I don’t need the alarm; I just get up and I’m ready to go—so ready to go. Oh YEAH!!
I wake up sometimes so slowly. I drag. The attitude gravity pulls on me. It pulls hard. Sometimes there is a good reason for me to fell the attitude gravity. Sometimes I feel the pull but I don’t even know the reason. It just pulls. It pulls so hard. Sometimes I just don’t know why. Sometimes I can laugh at the attitude gravity. Sometimes I can spit on it. Sometimes I think you will never get to me again! HA! You will never touch me again! Never. NEVER!
Sometimes, sometimes, I just can’t keep it away. It creeps in like smoke under a door. Pretty soon the smoke is filling the room; the smoke is choking me. I can’t see. It feels like I can’t breathe. Where does it come from? How does it sneak up on me?
There are so many things in my life I can’t control. I worry about my family. I worry about people I care for. I worry about mistakes I’ve made. I worry about the future. There is so much I can’t control.
I work hard to manage my self-talk. It is for me a form of prayer. It reaffirms my trust. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is such a battle.
Trust always that you have worth and value.
It is Friday. The weekend is near. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to seeing you or hearing from you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally.
CYLP!
P
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
FML?
NW.
NW!
ICML.
CYL.
CYLP.
Today is Friday. It is almost the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to seeing you or hearing from you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
NW.
NW!
ICML.
CYL.
CYLP.
Today is Friday. It is almost the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to seeing you or hearing from you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)