Abraham and Ramesh

Making a call to a computer company’s customer support center earlier this summer I knew as soon as the person answered that he was not likely in this country. I thought I understood him say his name but I wasn’t sure. I like to call people by name even when I’m just on the phone. I asked him to repeat his name and indeed it was “Abraham”. I asked him what country he was in and he said, “India.” I thought, come on man, that’s not your name. With good intentions I asked him what his “real” name is. He responded by asking me what he could help me with. I asked him what his family calls him and asked me how he could help me.

I told him what trouble I was having with the computer but found myself thinking, “Yeah right, Abraham, that’s not your name. Is the guy next to you called Lincoln? What do you guys do, pick names out of a hat or a bowl? Do all of you have American president names? Is there a Grover in your call center? A Woodrow? A Harry? A couple Georges? And now, how would you decide who gets to be Barrack? Or would you just go with Barry?

My mind was wandering while Abraham had me on hold and was getting help with my question. I wondered if maybe they put the names up on a white board and the customer service guys just pick a name. Jeeesh Abraham, why the heck did you pick that name? Couldn’t you pick something simple, maybe just one syllable? You know, John, Todd, Bill, Ken, Matt, heck almost anything would be more believable than “Abraham”. Were you late the day they picked names and you got the leftovers? Come on Abraham, I’m not buying this bologna.

I know Abraham, you’re the worst “rock, paper, scissors” player in the whole country. You have never, ever, won two out of three. You guys had a major “rock, paper, scissors” tournament for names and you lost every round. I bet you just hate the sight of someone holding out the palm of their left hand with a right hand fist sitting in it.

I thought, when this guy comes back on the line I’m going to get him to tell me his real name and I’m going to say it back to him. As it turned out he had difficulty getting an answer to my question so the call ended taking some time. I was starting to wonder if Abraham was really qualified to take care of the problem or to even find someone who could. My frustration with the computer problem and the length of the phone call told me it was best to stick to the business of getting the problem solved and just say simply, “Thanks Abraham” at the end of the call.

As a teacher I worked hard to learn to say kids’ names correctly. I worked to learn many middle names. I read names at graduation several times. The longest middle name I ever read was, Kaehukaiopuaena. If middle age memory is serving me correctly and I still am pronouncing it the right way, it has nine syllables. The shortest and actually most difficult name I ever read was three syllables total. There was one syllable for the first, middle, and last name. What made it difficult for me was that it was a Vietnamese name so the sounds were something I had to learn. I had the boy in class the whole year so when it was time for graduation I could say his name easily.

On those first few days of class I asked him to help me with his name. He was self-conscious from the start. I had him repeat just the sound of his first and last name over and over so I could learn it. Now how hard is that? Not too tough. It just took some practice for me to hear him say it and then to learn to repeat it. In the process I know I embarrassed him. My intentions were good and the result was good but along the way he was self-conscious. At the end of the year he wrote me a note thanking me for working so hard to learn to say his name.

Katy and I live in a new development with a Homeowner’s Association. I’m the president of the association. We had a Board of Director’s meeting and a homeowner’s meeting on Monday. I had planned to get everyone to introduce themselves and say which home they lived in. One of the homeowners introduced himself as Ramesh. We were creating a contact list so the person taking minutes asked him his last name. He said it but he wouldn’t spell it for her. He said that it was a difficult name and that he would come up and spell it for her at the end of the meeting. He was self-conscious, just like so many kids I knew through the years because there was something different about them. Sometimes it was just the sound of their name.

I let it go. Darlene, who was taking minutes, moved smoothly to the next person. I may have been the only person in the room that it bothered. Not in any earth shaking way, really, in just a very small way, I failed Ramesh. I should have asked him to spell his name for me and told him that it was important to me to learn how to spell it and say it.

There are so many experiences that are common to people regardless of age, gender, or culture. In the soil of human experience people have so many roots that bind us together. We all want to be accepted. We all want to be known. We all need to be cared for and to care for others. We may fight those things but they are still true.

I understand that no one contacts a customer service call center to say, “Hi, hey good morning, I just called to let you guys know my computer is working fine. Thanks a lot, have a good day.” People call because something isn’t working right. In some cases they have no patience to start with. In some cases they may have attempted to problem solve on their own for hours so by the time they call they also have no patience. Not being able to understand the name of the person who answers the phone doesn’t help. I get that the callers from the United States will respond better if they hear a name they recognize. I get that.

I do not live in a customer service call center. I live in a neighborhood.

I am trying to get all of the neighbors to participate in a Neighborhood Watch Program. A big part of that is for each of us to know our neighbors and to allow ourselves to be known by our neighbors. I’m driving the program at this point. It will be awhile before it has some momentum. By not getting Ramesh to spell his last name, in a tiny way, I didn’t help my own program.

Through the years in the classroom I grew to hate that self-conscious look of not fitting in for something as simple as the sound of your name.

Ramesh, at the next meeting I’ll do better. Yup, I will. I am going to get you to say your name out loud and I am going to get other people to repeat it. At first you may not like that; it may make you more self conscious. I am going to get other people to say their names out loud also. You'll smile at the end Ramesh. Yup, you will.

It is Friday. The weekend is near. Please be good. No matter what age you are. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Stay whole, physically and emotionally.

P