Forgiveness: Part II

Earlier this week I started writing something more about forgiveness. I was writing about being hurt by people who love me. It is more challenging to talk about than I anticipated. Much more challenging. I will just have to see what I'm able and willing to do. I guess its like life; I'll have to keep working on it.

I went fishing this morning. The weather was crummy; it was rainy and cold. I left the house at 5:30 and really only intended to fish for a couple hours and then head home and finish my post for today. I knew that I wasn't sure what to say about forgiveness but I felt that thinking about it while I was driving and fishing would help me clarify my thoughts. It didn't.

I caught a few Chum Salmon this morning. The temperature was actually colder when I drove home than when I drove to the river. There was mixed snow and rain. Walking back to my truck my hands were numb and my feet hurt. I'm saying these things because they are true but being honest I'm saying them because they serve as good excuses.

Back at the truck I set the rod on top of the truck. I thought about just driving home with my waders and boots on. I didn't want to change because I was cold. I wanted to stop at a bakery and get a big chocolate chip cookie and knew I couldn't go in the bakery with waders and boots still on. Well I could, and I would, but I probably shouldn't, so I changed out. Like I said, it was raining hard and it was cold.

Relieved to be in the truck, I drove out of the parking area and headed for the bakery. I mean home. A couple miles from the parking area I realized that I had left the rod on top of the truck. Turning the truck around I headed back quickly to the parking area hoping that someone hadn't jacked by my fly rod. Now that's assuming it fell off right away and was there in the parking area. I was going 40 mph in a 35. In about a mile the rod appeared. It was on my side laying directly across the road. By the time I saw it it was too late. I drove over it. I drove right over my own damn rod! Of course hitting the blacktop as it fell off a moving truck didn't do it any good but the truck tire cinched the deal. My rod was dead. Oh, and the reel, it didn't appreciate bouncing on the road either. While I didn't drive over the reel and crush it; it still is bent enough that its life has ended.

I still got my oatmeal chocolate chip cookie of course to help salve my wounds. I probably should have gotten a whole bag.

On the way home I tried to think about how to finish writing about being hurt by others and forgiveness. All I could think about was that I was stupid and careless and that I left hundreds of dollars of gear on top of the truck so that it could fall off and bounce down the highway. What a moron. What a moron. What a damn moron!

I was cold and wet when I got back to the truck. I was in a hurry to get out of the rain, get the truck started and get the heat going. If I hadn't been so cold I would have remembered the rod on top of the truck. If my feet hadn't hurt and my hands hadn't been numb I would have remembered the rod on top of the truck. What a moron.

What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron.

When is enough, enough? Sometimes when I'm criticizing myself, it seems enough is never enough.

What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron. What a moron.

Okay, that's it. I'm done.

It took me until about 4:00 to get over it, to forgive myself for being careless and just get over it. By 4:30 I was laughing about it.

I left my fly rod on top of my truck. I drove off and it fell on the highway. I went back to look for it and I drove over it. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha! HA HA HA!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

What a moron!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

What a moron.

I forgive myself.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I forgive myself. Yup, I do. I forgive myself.

What a relief. I forgive myself.

Forgive yourself.

CYLP!

Its the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you and seeing you. Keep yourselves whole physically and emotionally.

P