Listening Part III: A Man Named Volunteer

Working out at the “Y” sometimes I see a man wiping down the exercise bikes and the elliptical trainers. His pants are hiked up and his t-shirt is always tucked in. His t-shirt says “volunteer” on the back. He looks like a special ed person. He looks like someone who would have attended our Life Skills Christmas party back in the day. Working slowly and carefully he wipes down virtually square inch of the machine he is attending to. In the past several weeks I have seen him 7 or 8 times. I make a point of saying hi to him when I walk by. He looks at me blankly but doesn’t answer. When I am on a machine near him I can hear him either making quiet noises sometimes or possibly saying something to himself. I’m not sure what he is doing. It just sounds like the occasional odd noise to me. He has a name tag on the front of his shirt. It wasn’t until the third or fourth time I had seen him that I could see the nametag. It says, “Volunteer”.

This past Tuesday I walked by him on my way to a different machine. As I was approaching I thought to myself that I think he makes funny noises; I wonder if when I say hi to him he thinks to himself, “That guy makes funny noises." I said hi to him as I walked by. He looked at me and said, “BraaNoo, BraaaNoo, BbbbrraaaNoo.” I was surprised to have him answer me. I asked him to repeat what he was saying. He said it several times and I realized he was saying “Brand new.” I answered, “You are making the machines look brand new?” He said, “LieBraaNoo, LieBraaNoo.” I said, “Like brand new?” He nodded. I told him he did good work and thanked him. Since I had not heard him talk before I wasn’t even sure he could talk.

Sometimes people are listening and you just don’t realize it. I realized he was listening after all and that I just had to say hi several times before he answered. I am going to ask him his name the next time I see him.

It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your car carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally. Enjoy your weekend.

P

Listening: Part II

I learned a lot about listening by listening. In 1991, I remember a student, LAJ, coming in after school to talk to me. She had said she was upset and needed to kind of unload. I listened to her talk for 45 minutes; she was crying much of the time. At this point I don’t remember much of what she said; come on, it’s been 20 years. What I do remember is that a couple times I started to open my mouth to give advice. I thought better of it and just kept my advice to myself. I continued to acknowledge that I was listening and that I understood what she was saying. After 45 minutes she paused, took a deep breath, and stopped crying just like that. She smiled and said thanks for listening. She picked up her things, thanked me again, told me it really helped, and headed for home. I thought to myself that I didn't "do" anything to help. Maybe my mouth doesn't have to move much for me to be "doing" something to help. The lesson I learned or relearned that day was that I helped Laura more by listening than I would have by giving advice. Advice works the best when it is requested. I am full of good advice after all but sometimes my good advice accomplishes the most when I just keep it to myself and be a good, supportive, loving listener.

It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally. Enjoy your weekend.

P