Questions of Control

Don't you wonder sometimes, "how you got to be the way you are"? I sure do. I think I know "how I got to be the way I am" and then I seem to lose track in various degrees. Then I think I know again. Do you wonder sometimes how much control you had over how you got to be the way you are? Do you wonder sometimes if you have any control over the way you are today? Regardless of how you got to be the way you are it seems like a fundamental question common to all people, "How do I get to be the way I want to be?"

There are so many random things in life over which we all have no control. Added to that is that each of us takes our turn making some mistakes and poor choices. Put those things together and it might seem we all have very little control in our lives.

Control of what would be a good question. Control of how things turn out? Control of what happens to me? Control of how other people act? Control of how other people feel? Control of how I am treated? Control of how I treat others? Control of my emotions? Control of my health? Control of my environment? Control of my happiness? That's a lot to try and control; I can't do it all and really shouldn't try to.

Is "control" the right word? Maybe "manage" is a better word. Or possibly "effect" is a better word.

How did you get to be the way you are? How do you get to be the way you want to be? Those are good questions.

It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your car carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally. Enjoy your weekend.

P

Cowboy Church and Indian Church

The fly and a small amount of line are visible in the water near the boat. The line comes up off the water, it straightens out behind me. The first haul helps load the rod for the forward cast, the second haul awakens the road. Aroused by the third haul the rod calls for more line; coils disappear from the floor of the boat. The line shoots forward to the full limit of my ability and settles on the still surface. The weighted fly and clear line begin to sink in search of willing Salmon.

A count of ten is followed by a long series of quick strips until the fly is near the boat again; the process is repeated. I love the smooth rhythm of casting. The sound of the line blends with the warnings of the gulls to not get much closer. Moving around the circle my next cast is made 45 degrees to the right.

On the way to this saltwater beach I pass the Indian Shaker Church; I have driven by many times. What time does Indian Shaker Church start? Do they take up a collection? What kind of prayers do they say? Do they have a choir? Is it an active, rousing service? Possibly quiet and contemplative? Would I be welcome there? What do they call their God? Do they love Jesus? Does Jesus love them?





During the summers sometimes I pass the Cowboy Church on my way to other fishing destinations.

Who goes to Cowboy Church? What do they do there? Is it impolite to take off your hat at Cowboy Church? Could I go to Cowboy Church? Would they welcome me? Do they sing country songs at Cowboy Church? What do they believe? Who started Cowboy Church? Does it start at 8:00 or does it cost $8.00 to get in? Or both? Do they love Jesus? Does Jesus love them?







Does Jesus love one church better than another? Does your Jesus or the God love only you and people like you? Would your Jesus love me? I would like your Jesus or your God a lot if I knew he or she loves people who aren't like you and who aren't like me.

The sun is warm, the wind is down; it is a beautiful, satisfying day. Undistracted by having to net fish, or play fish, my mind wanders.

It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally. Enjoy your weekend.

P

Proud to be an American: Part V

Three blogs just ended up being more than I could keep up with. Spring and summer saw me putting a good deal of time into my fishing blog; ergo "A Few Words" took a rest. I am going to try and write A Few Words each Friday again now.


I am remembering. Yes, I am remembering, as I know we all are.

On September 11, 2001 I remember Mr. Dykgraaf, who was also someone who got to school early, coming over to my room about 6:20 and saying, "Turn on your television, something has happened..."

The horror of it all was more than any of us could really comprehend. I remember that. I remember thinking, and saying to my classes, how we would all remember where we were the day that the attack happened and that ALL of our lives would change forever in ways we could not anticipate.

I still can't process it all and can't begin to imagine what it is like to be a relative of a victim.

The night of the 11th I slept only a few hours; I woke up thinking I needed to go to New York to help pick up rubble. I had no place there. None at all.

From September 12, until the morning of September 21, my students and I planned a "Proud to Be An American Assembly". I know many of the staff were skeptical, very skeptical; they openly said it.

We had community members speak, we had student speakers, we had some "angels" sing a chant, and we lit candles and formed a star that filled most of the gym floor. We asked people to spread light in the face of darkness. It sounds so simple to say now and yet there were virtually no dry eyes in the gym.

We decided to form the American Flag on the football field after the assembly. Every student and staff member participated. We divided 60 yards of the field into over 300 grids. Each classroom was assigned to some grids and asked to wear red, white, or blue. We were not able to practice so we had no idea if it would work. Incredibly, so incredibly, it worked.

From September 12, through September 20, there were kids in the room working on the program from 6:30 AM until 5:30 PM every day. Sometimes earlier and sometimes later. It was such an impressive effort. So much heart. So much commitment. So much risk. So very much risk...

Our country is not perfect. I have come back to Winston Churchill's words so many times, "Democracy is the worst form of government--except for all the others that have been tried from time to time..."

I most certainly want to honor the victims of the terrorist attack and I want to honor and respect their survivors.

Ten years later I want to thank all the amazing kids who made our Proud to Be An American Assembly work on September 21, 2001. You went to every classroom in the school and sold participation. I am still in awe. I knew you could do it but in a certain way I don't know how you did it. How on earth did you do it? I am still in awe.

My most poignant memory is of Mr. Daverso coming in the classroom after the assembly. There were 63 kids in the room Major Daverso had been an Army Air Cavalry officer in Vietnam. Many people had come in to the room to say thanks during third period; Mr. Daverso was the last one. He stepped in the door and said tentatively and uncomfortably, "Mr. P., I want to thank you and your students for what you did. I was one of your biggest detractors. I said it wouldn't work and no one would take it seriously...

I did a tour of duty in Vietman. A tour or two...Yes I did. Mr. P., you know me, I am a cynical man."

I answered uncomfortably, "Yes you are."

He fidgeted and stepped back and forth from foot to foot and said, "If just one time someone had done something like this for me when I came back from Vietnam I wouldn't be the way I am today."

I answered, "Major Daverso, I am a civilian. If I give you a salute will you accept it sir?"

He answered, "Yes."

We exchanged salutes and he left the room.

That exchange in front of 63 kids was in so many ways not really my doing. It was the result of a herculean effort by my students.

I remember the 9/11 attacks and always will. I remember and am still very aware of terror. I remember the response of my school. I remember the risk and the trust that kids showed. I remember not sleeping for two weeks. I remember brainstorming, planning, discussing, talking, worrying, and hoping. I remember being so damn proud to be an American!

Ten years later. It is a time to remember and show honor and respect to the victims and their survivors. Through it all I am still proud to be an American.

It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally. Enjoy your weekend.

P

Timshel

Timshel.

It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally. Enjoy your weekend.

P

Smiling: Part III

"Why are you smiling?"

"I'm smiling because I'm happy.

It is easy to understand when someone says, "I'm smiling because I'm happy." When we see someone smile it seems obvious that person is happy. Most everyone smiles, at least a little, when they are happy.

Try this. "Why are you happy?"

"I'm happy because I'm smiling."

Smiling when we are happy is just a response or almost a reflex.

Choosing to smile, just plain choosing to smile, actually can help us be happy.

Again, Sage was right. Everyone is watching. When I choose to simply make my face smile and when it isn't just a reflex or a response I take an active role in deciding to be happy.

"Why are you happy?"

"I'm happy because I'm smiling."

It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally. Enjoy your weekend.

P

Smiling: Part II

Sage's note that said, "Smile Jim, everyone is watching" is true in another way. I am part of everyone and I notice when I smile. Smiling makes me feel better. In some ways I think I might notice more than other people notice.

It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally. Enjoy your weekend.

P

Smiling: Part I

Back in the 2004-2005 school year one of My Geniuses tacked a small note on the door jamb of my office. It said, “Smile Jim, everyone is watching.” She placed that note there after talking to me about wanting to see me smile more. I told her that I felt I smile a lot and that maybe I needed to scream more. (I don’t scream now and I didn’t then.) She told me that the class needed to see me smile right away when they came in the door. Again, I told her that I felt I did that. I reminded her that there was nowhere else on the campus where kids did the greeting (pounding on the tables and singing) and that counted as a huge smile.

I was going to take that note down after a few days and just drop it in the recycling. It was at eye level so every time I walked out of my office I saw it. I ended up reading it several times a day for years. I didn’t take it down until my last day at the high school. It was a good reminder for me that right or wrong other people’s perceptions aren’t always consistent with my perceptions. More importantly it served as a daily reminder that it is important to make the effort to smile because indeed everyone is watching. Thanks Sage Lynn; I'm still working on it.

It is the weekend. Please be good. Drive your cars carefully. Ride with people who drive carefully. Treat yourself with respect. Spend time with people who treat you with respect. Treat other people with respect. Talk nice to yourself; you deserve it. I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you. Keep yourself whole physically and emotionally. Enjoy your weekend.

P